[My list is on pause—don't worry I'll finish it.]
I’ve been procrastinating writing the toast for my sister’s wedding for-ev-er. It’s this Saturday. Fortunately I’ve been downgraded from actual “MOH speech” to 3-minute toast. I don’t do well with public speaking. I can’t even ask a question as a member of an audience without my voice visibly shaking. However the idea of getting up and speaking in front of others is not my issue, I will have Macallan 12 in my hand to help with that. My issue is coming up with what the fuck I’m supposed to tell my sister, my new brother-in-law and their guests on love, marriage and happily ever afters.
Shit. Dude.
I kinda want to open up with the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce and since I’m already divorced—statistically speaking, they’re good to go. (See, there goes that fucked up sense of humor again.) It’s funny tho, right? Get it? I basically took one for the team. My marriage failed so the probability of theirs succeeding has to be higher. Right?
I’m joking. BTW, *hi-five* if I got as little as a nervous laugh out of you with the paragraph above.
I think it’s funny. #laughatmypain #kevinhart
Sorry. I keep digressing. I am purposely putting off consuming edibles tonight so I can thoroughly convey what I am trying to say with a clear mind. Allow me to get back on track…
Last year I read Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance. I found the initial chapters incredibly insightful. It touched upon the fact that yes, marriages do have a 50% failure rate. Since our grandparents each generation thereafter has fucked up the sanctity of marriage more and more.
Guilty.
Now this sounds like terrible news, but you have to view this statistic in the grand scope of things. You have to consider what marriage was back in the 1950’s, 1980’s and what it means today. The book explains that with previous generations marriage was more of an agreement. It was the only decision in order to benefit both parties in terms of creating offspring (help) and because marriage was the conventional standard between both sexes when you hit a certain age. During our grandparents era the courtship was short and the dating pool was small. They married their high school sweethearts or the boy next door and they stayed together despite whatever hardships because they needed each other to survive. Co-dependency was inevitable. Divorce was not an option for them, society wouldn’t allow it. Originally marriage was not heavily based on love and the idea of a soul-mate, although it was definitely a partnership—which is probably why success was the only way to go. You would be fortunate to fall in love while married, not beforehand, that wasn’t as common.
FF to our parents generation… My parents have been married for about 35 years this December. They are excellent examples of hard workers who have gone through plenty of ups and downs and a hell of a lot of love and compromise. I can’t say their peers are just as successful. With this generation society has been more accepting of divorce and women have gained independence 10-fold, in-return failure rates rise.
SO HERE WE ARE…
Our generation has Tinder, fuckboys+girls, DM’s and distraction after distraction. The world is our oyster. What a time to be alive.
Despite the shitty statistics and every reason under the sun to forego the tradition of marriage it’s a booming industry. People are still getting hitched. Why?
Because although divorce is at an all time high so is the concept of love.
Crazy right? The idea of “the one” keeps us going.
Love is the number one factor that drives us into marriage these days. We make the decision to attempt to spend forever with ONE person because of the apex of positive emotions they evoke in us. It’s not an arrangement, it’s not a business decision and it has nothing to with dependency (well, ideally).
Nah dude.
It’s LOVE.
Despite my views on how realistic monogamy and marriage are, my beliefs in love are at an all time high—divorcé status and all.
Love is the best high I could ever chase and I’ve chased a lot of highs.
I’d do it again…and again…and again—even if that means I fail multiple times.
The reality is that relationships are hard fucking work. If more couples tried to preserve the love they shared on their wedding day divorce rates would dip. However people change and love shifts. I always tell everyone that the man I had to divorce was not the same man I married. I guess you could say the same for him, I was running on auto-pilot due to so many years together.
It's depressing that our generation is so quick to throw in the towel or hastily get married in the first place without proper thought. We should probably work harder (or be less distracted, more faithful, etc. etc) on our marriages, but in some super odd and extremely romanticized sense we're just chasing love—the issue is sustaining it.