I habitually tell myself that I’m ok with the idea of never getting married again, as long as I at least get knocked up—I’m good.
But it’s a lie.
The concept of a glorified baby daddy isn’t good enough, although I’ll take it if that’s all I can get. Because of this thing called a biological clock I will happily settle for baby daddy, key word: settle.
The truth is I want to believe someone can love me enough to promise “forever” again, whether or not he (or I, for that matter) can really stick to our commitment of “till death do us part.”
So I have it all played out in my head. It’s all figured out.
It’s a random Tuesday afternoon, because I ain’t got shit to do but fall in love with you. We’re at City Hall, eloping. You think I’m joking, right? The extravagant Leo with a thousand friends who needs to celebrate EVERY SINGLE THING? I’m joking?
Nah, serious as fuck. We’re eloping.
The only person I told was a photographer.
I don’t care about the backlash. I don’t care about a lavish ceremony or reception, been there—fuck that. We’re going to the Maldives to have sex for seven days straight, that shit is expensive, I’m saving our money. The bottom line is I already I experienced a conventional wedding and unless you personally require the excessive party, I prefer to go without. No disrespect to my previous experience, it was everything I ever wanted and more. It's just that item is checked off my list, no need to repeat the effort.
However if you think you’re going to be dressed casually to this event you’re foolish. You’re in a navy blue suit with a black lapel. I’ll wear something along these lines, but off-white. HEY—I’m still a fucking Leo (despite the elopement) and I hired a photographer for a reason.
My vows will be inside joke, after inside joke, after inside joke. You’re going to laugh and cry at the same time because I’m your favorite writer and my barz are straight fire.
I will cry disgustingly ugly. Embarrassingly ugly. Normally I try to hide all public outbursts of emotion, but today is a special occasion—obviously. That’s why no one else is invited. JK. Lightweight.
That’s about as far as I’ve gotten with this story, they’re only soft plans, I’m flexible. If you want to rock a skinny tie instead of a bow tie, that’s cool with me. The Maldives are non-negotiable tho.