I spent Saturday night on Polk Street with Melissa, drinking and getting heavily negged. The concept of negging is simple, it’s when you use a back-handed compliment in order to garner someone’s approval. For strong-headed women like Melissa and myself sometimes an insult will get you more face time than actual flattery (WELL—if you’re attractive and funny). Why? Cause we like witty ones who keep us on our toes. Thankfully I didn’t wake up hung over.
The next morning I left the city to make my way down to a baby shower for one of my oldest girlfriends. My high school clique is made of seven women, including myself. I am the only one divorced and childless. My current lifestyle is a distant departure from their day-to-day lives. Fortunately they NEVER make me feel judged by the untraditional route my life has taken and for that I am extremely grateful.
Not gonna lie though, the juxtaposition of our lives still trips me out. To be fair it’s not just them, it’s the contrast between my life and a majority of women my age.
It’s apparent when I go through IG and I see you celebrating the birth of your second or third child. It’s obvious when I like your post commemorating your fifth wedding anniversary. Or it’s as simple as smiling at a photo you’re sharing of an “usie” of your adorable little family on regular Saturday afternoon.
I feel genuine happiness for you, I promise.
However they are not victories I can relate to. Alas we are on different timelines. My current state of singleness has distanced ourselves from being relatable as peers. We are in different chapters of our lives and that is not a negative thing—it’s just the truth.
I can’t pretend I can catch up, at least at this pace. As much as I would love to have a wedding ring on my finger and a bun in the oven that version of myself is somewhere still far off into the future (not too far, I hope). For my mental and emotional health I can’t focus on what I don’t have. As I’ve said before, your grass is not greener than mine, the color is all the same—it’s just growing at a different speed.
The purpose of this post was not to seek pity or to defend my single shenanigans, I just woke up one day and realized how fucking excited I was for a girlfriend who is expecting her first child with her live-in boyfriend. I’m ecstatic for another one who just passed a 5-week dating mark with a new man in her life. They are the attainable success stories providing me hope. Their victories are mine.
Can I call "NEXT" though? I’d like to turn the page and start that chapter too.