I was in my room sobbing super hard when Ex-Mr called to check up on me and my stupid feelings. I was two hours away from being picked up by car service to be taken to JFK. I was bawling to the point where he could barely understand me when he asked: "Would however you are feeling right now stop you from getting on that plane later?"
"No." I responded. "Absolutely not, I don’t even question that."
I still couldn’t stop my heart from breaking though. I made an amazing life for myself there in Brooklyn. That room was the first place that I felt was solely mine. I nested for a bit. For the first time I printed photographs of my homies and framed them. I bought flowers for the weekends I was actually home to appreciate them. I soaked in the natural sunlight that flooded the room on the mornings I was able to sleep in. When my workdays sucked and after lengthy vacations I knew I had my comfortable bed waiting for me. I was saying goodbye to my personal sanctuary and it hurt pretty fucking bad.
Eventually I calmed the hell down and I got off the phone with him, “See you on the other side.”
I didn’t look back when I rolled my last piece of luggage out of there and I haven’t cried since, thankfully. I was too exhausted from my lack of sleep and plane ride and too excited for my fresh start as soon as I landed.
So here I am, back in Cali… writing this one from my childhood bedroom.
Sidenote: I’m fully aware that my relationship with my Ex is difficult to understand. Unless you understood our dynamic while we were friends or together it’s pretty impossible. Last week he texted me a diagram of a circumcised vs. uncircumcised penis (I have no idea why, he didn’t state why the hell he sent it to me), I responded with: “I still haven’t seen an uncircumcised one in real life.” He applauded me for being “turtleneck free” so far. At one point during our divorce I tried to call him “bro” and he wasn’t having it. *Shrugs* I don’t really owe any one an explanation but hey… all I can say is he’s my boy, he was just a terrible husband. He's fortunate that I'm great at compartmentalizing.
I'm also bionic.