Preface: #HIGHPOST
I don’t think I’m lonely. I think I’m bored.
Those are two different things, right?
I was clearing out my Google drive this morning when I discovered an old spreadsheet that I had forgotten about. It was titled “Restaurants I want to go to.” I created it so Ex-Mr had a direct list to pull from. The last addition I made was done in 2012. The concept of the list was fairly new, it only had 9 line items. We managed to knock out 3 of them before we split up. 33% follow-through is pretty good considering this was us at our worst.
If you haven’t already figured it out I have low-key bougie tendencies. I require a minimum of at least 800 thread count for my bed sheets. I enjoy super pretentious bars where the cocktails cost $14-18, and I enjoy them even more when the establishment is difficult to find. I like truffles, foie gras, escargot and whatever shit sounds impressive when you’re making small talk. They say Leos like luxury, I’ll give a minor cosign. What manages to balance me out is that I still have a decent grip on my wallet.
This period of life is my selfish time—after a man, before another & kids. It’s also selfish monetarily. I can afford the bougie if so I choose. During this span I've figured out who I am and I’ve partied—a lot. However I’ve grown extremely tired of the party phase. I prefer intimate gatherings of which I can be home and hydrated by midnight. Hey—we can still get drunk, guys. We just have to start earlier.
I've self-diagnosed it as boredom because my individual routine is established, the solo trajectory is predictable. Meanwhile the chronic loneliness has disappeared. I have a bucket list called “Reserved for BAE.” It’s on an indefinite pause while items keep getting added on. Most of these involve the finer things in life and beautiful places to visit. Before we readdress the argument of “you can do these things with your friends”—I’ll shut that down with a simple “no.” There are certain things you want to see or experience with a very special person. While I would appreciate anyone accompanying me on any one of these bougie excursions I have to reserve the opportunity for future baby daddy no.1 or husband no.2. I'm not a fan of visiting the same destination twice—unless the location is particularly exceptional.
The list involves dining at Michelin stared restaurants, experiencing a chef’s table, Spain, Portugal, Greece, THE FUCKING MALDIVES, driving down the most picturesque parts of HWY 1, and other romantic shit. So much romantic shit, yo. I swear—like the trading of sexual favors.
You can see why I’m eager to start a new chapter.
*Impatiently checks watch*
PS. If anyone wants to go to Atelier Crenn or Son’s & Daughters—I’m down. I have a fat list that still includes New York restaurants, BAE has plenty to choose from.