SO I PUT MYSELF BACK OUT THERE.
My coworker recently got engaged and I would actually like to have a proper plus one to his wedding. SHIT—let’s be real, I would to have a plus one in life.
I’ve been on a couple of dates, I’m even trying to organically make something happen with a man I met IN REAL LIFE, I’m trying… to the best of my abilities. The truth is I always fucking struggle when it comes to dating (surprise, surprise). I can’t seem to find someone who both I find both interesting and attractive who EQUALLY feels the same way about me.
Here are a few pro tips:
I do not want to trade IG handles.
My account has been private since its creation. It’s private because I don’t care about random people knowing what it is I’m up to and vice versa. We kicked it one time and you wanna trade IGs? Nah. I would prefer not to. I DEFINITELY do not want to trade IG handles with a man I don’t even know if I like. Plus, you could be one of those dudes who might take one too many selfies, makes unnecessary collages, posts every single aspect of his life, or even worse—writes extremely unfunny captions. The less I know about your social media habits the better, at least until I get to know you beyond this. Men, most of the time less is more when it comes to social media. Do the least… Not the most. Well, that’s my preference.
Side note: Do not find me on Facebook or Linkedin after we went on a couple of dates and didn’t work out. This has happened twice, I never even gave these men my last name to begin with. I almost never give them my last name. That’s a residual habit I kept since NYC. We’re strangers… we’re strangers trying to see if we’re compatible. We don’t have to be friends. I have PLENTY of male platonic friends. If we’re not lovers we’re not going to be friends.
You must ask for my time preferably 3 days or a week in advance.
I am a creature of habit and routine. I have all my workout classes scheduled a week in advance because there are a few in particular that are extremely difficult to get into. I’m not cancelling my favorite class cause you have some last minute time. I had a man ask me for a date at 6pm on a Monday, that night. BRUH. It’s 6pm, are you serious right now? You cannot do that with me. I realize plenty of men operate on a day-to-day basis, however if you’re dealing with someone else’s schedule you’re going to have to accommodate how they operate as well. Also, I’ll be totally up front with you, I’ll warn you what my schedule is like. You can either make it work or reject the notion.
Side note: If I am excited to see you I will shift my schedule and accommodate you, I promise. I’m not a complete hard ass. I’ve moved mountains to try to get a date to work. You just have to meet me half-way. It’s difficult to prioritize a stranger, they are the lowest common denominator. I always say I think time is the most expensive thing in the world, the less notice you give me the more expensive it is.
You should have vast life experience.
We are going to discuss everything you are comfortable divulging within the first two dates. That spans everything from previous recreational drug usage, sexual history, longest relationship, to places traveled and everywhere you’ve resided (which hopefully includes a location where you didn’t grow up).
I could write a book on my life. I’ve been in an 11 year relationship, divorced, lived in NYC, lived with 7 men, had sex on a rooftop on the 4th of July while fireworks were going off behind me, I’ve tried acid, I’ve been to almost 20 countries, I’ve tried to get pregnant… for 34 I’d say I’ve had a decent run. I could tell you stories, on stories… on stories. Sometimes I want to start a locked section of this blog where I write about that really juicy shit. I won’t tho. I have to if I ever write a book… who honestly wants to read that.
I was really uninterested on my last date, I realized every story the man across me was sharing was super boring. There was no real apex to any of the experiences he shared, and that’s fine for him—it just did nothing for me. I mean, nothing.
I will say that the more I date the more I am ok with these men not working out, it’s almost impossible to find a needle in a haystack. You can’t be compatible with everyone you come across. BUT… Someday you’ll meet someone and figure out why no none else ever worked out.
*winking emoji here*