26. I am either the best or THEEEEE WOOOOORST person to give anyone advice
I got caught off-guard the other day because someone specifically asked me about my marriage/divorce and I wasn’t expecting the subject to ever come up in casual conversation. I almost wanted to physically hand him a container of Morton’s Salt as I shared my experience.
Here, hold this. Have a grain or a spoonful.
It’s not that I don’t want to share my story… DUH, I write this blog. I just fear how people interpret my advice or personal journey. Not many individuals are as objective as myself. My feelings and my decision-making process are as disjointed as I can manage, however—I always trust my gut.
I think life is too short to spend it with someone you’re unhappy with. I don’t understand why anyone sticks around for the sake of convenience, codependence or safety. I can’t fathom why you would just keep wasting each other’s time when you could be happier with someone else or *gasp* even alone. I don’t believe anyone should continue a relationship just because of the pressure to naturally progress through the motions of the process due to time invested in each other.
Then again—not everyone is strong enough to leave, independent enough to survive or brave enough to face the world or repercussions solo.
IT’S TOUGH AS FUCK OUT HERE—but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I stand by every decision I have made as difficult and painful it was at the time. Humans are resilient creatures, wounds heal and people move on—it just takes a HUGE leap of faith to walk away when the time is presented to you.
Go… Leave.. Stay… Get married… Break up… Get divorced…
Whatever makes you the happiest (eventually, because it won’t be happening overnight)—DO THAT.
27. Trust in the blessings in disguise
Last summer I was in the process of “buying” an older home in Hayward when at the very last stages of the closing I was denied loan approval due to my “long-term contractor” employment status. Uhh, we could’ve saved everyone so much time and stress had we dealt with that fact in the first place. It was a frustrating experience to say the least.
However, it’s good that house fell through, because we came across a new build within walking distance of the Hayward Bart station in October and the purchasing process was smooth as fuck. We closed on the new house in December. Someday, when I finally have to give up living in the city I’ll probably raise my kids there—I hope.
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I cried when I got laid off, it’s never happened to me before. I cried on my last day of work on my walk home, I knew I would miss the routine I was enjoying for the past year+. I was legitimately scared of not being able to take care of myself financially and of all the unknowns that go hand-in-hand with periods of unemployment.
FF to today…
I REALLY FUCKING LIKE MY NEW GIG (although low-key stressful). My co-workers are intelligent and talented. My boss gets me. We get free lunch everyday. We get random perks I didn’t know I could get. They serve charcuterie, cheese and castelvetrano olives every Friday along with wine and beer. CASTELVETRANO OLIVES THO!!! Out of all olives, they randomly serve my favorite. They’re offering me more money than I knew I could make at this stage in my career. They’re sending us all to San Diego on Monday for our company kick-off—all 200+ of us.
If getting laid-off wasn’t a blessing in disguise, I don’t know what is…
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The decision to move out of our shared apartment was the first step, next came a discussion on separation, followed by me formally asking him for a divorce. It was difficult decision after difficult decision and a whole lot of pain followed by eventual growth—for both of us.
I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met who have changed my life since divorcing him, or how many places I would’ve never seen had I stuck around or experiences I’d never had. I don’t want to dwell on what could’ve been or what should’ve been… but I’d never trade anything else for what I have now.