32. I am not a consolation prize
By now we can all agree that I am an observant and analytical female, this part of me never turns off. When I go out with my single lady friends for a fun night out (or even with my boys) I am paying attention. When men engage myself and my girlfriends in conversation I am taking notes of who is being hit on by who. Do not for a second think that I didn’t notice when a man is hitting on my best friend in my presence. I have been approached as a secondary option after she has curved them. Surprisingly enough these occurrences are no blow to my ego. I understand why men hit on her (she’s fucking gorgeous), however I am attractive in my own right. Plus, I have plenty to back up my awesomeness.
Don’t test me, I will call you out. The following dialogue actually happened on Polk St.
Idiot: We should hang out some time. I should get your number.
Me: Nahhhhhhh. Actually… I think you were feelin’ my girl. It’s cool, she’s hot, I know.
Idiot: *Caught off guard* No, but…. Uhh... I think you’re more my speed. I think I’d vibe with you really well.
Me. Nahhhhhhh. I’m good. We probably wouldn’t actually…. You have a good night tho. *big smile and walks away*
Pro Tips:
1. Remain friendly and neutral, unless you really wanna shoot your shot at one of us specifically. If that is your decision—STICK TO YO’ GUNS. The rest of us aren’t gonna be your sloppy seconds. Move along if one of us rejects you.
2. The best option is to wait to see if ANY of us are feelin’ you. If you’re patient enough one of us might just dig you—maybe (but probably not, sorry).
33. I require that men need to know where to take me on a date (hard rule)
This is non-negotiable. They may not necessarily be an amazing planner or an efficient person as far as scheduling goes but they’re capable of research. The internet is a really helpful tool (extra sarcasm). I accept the help of Yelp, I won’t hate—or better yet.. use SF Eater and I might just fuckin’ swoon. I promise it’s not difficult. I might be super pretentious when it comes to certain bars or restaurants but I give A’s for effort. Swear.
I am a grown ass woman, I appreciate when men are in the driver's seat when appropriate. If they are even the least bit hesitant to choose a place for a simple date I count that as an automatic fail.
Pro Tips for you men out there:
1. Ask questions about her preferences.
2. Research, doesn't have to be extensive, a quick search is fine.
3. ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP!!! Nearby options, just in case.