Dating :: Job Hunting
Uber is the fuckboy that sounds and looks good. He’s the kind of guy one of your friends already knows so you ask for a casual introduction. You know, something super chill. He’s young so you still get to lend a hand in the process that shapes him. You can earn equity with him quickly, getting stock early (pre-IPO). However Uber is hard as fuck to reach. He’s not responsive when it comes to emails and leaves you hanging every time. Uber is frustrating as hell—you could be so good together. If only the motherfucker was more interested in seeing what you have to offer. Uber is either sleepin’ or swiping through candidates too quickly that exceptional ones get lost in the shuffle.
FitBit is the 35 year old guy who checks all the boxes. He’s the in-house/client-side position you have been seriously considering switching to for a long time. Originally he was never your type, he always seemed too boring, too safe—but security sounds so appealing these days. He’s willing to meet you 100% in terms of compensation, while still providing bonuses along the way. FitBit is the handsome dude in your photos, he’s the name next to your “in a relationship status” that you publicize so proudly. The only turn-off regarding him is that he seems to have too many steps in his candidacy process and you're pressed for decision-making time.
Campaign Monitor is the dude you didn’t think you wanted but who still seemed like a solid option. He was just practice for the date you were actually excited about that’s scheduled for next week. However Campaign Monitor surprisingly turns out to be legit as fuck. He undeniably has smooth ass game. He’s dangling opportunities in front of you like traveling to Australia and London. He's willing to give you everything you want—plus things you didn’t know you wanted. He’s sold you and now you’re frazzled because you thought you wanted FitBit, but this dude looks sooooooo gooood now.
High Five is the young start-up who doesn’t live in SF. He’s actually in Redwood City and you don’t even have a car. We’re talking “long-distance” relationship. You decide to take the date regardless because he’s off CalTrain and options are worth looking into as long as they seem attractive enough. He’s cute, fuck it. However when he starts talking you realize how poorly he fits into your criteria. You’re willing to compromise on a few unfavorable things here and there, but he’s already confessed at least 2 deal breakers early in the process. Instinct told you it was ok to pass even before the date, however you’re on that never-ending search for the infamous unicorn D—thus causing you to look where you normally don’t.
MRM/McCann is your comfort zone. He is your type, defined. He always likes you. You always like him. He’s the relationship you know well, you understand his mechanics and his process—but you said you want something different this time around. The problem is this guy always offers you short-term love and only extends it when he feels like it. Suddenly you’re over it, you want a full-time offer with all of the benefits included. Even though MRM isn’t what you want it’s still difficult to reject the offer. You just turned down really good short-term D… Holding out for better, good for you.
For the record: job hunting >>> dating