9. Don’t ask permission, just ask forgiveness
In order for my mother and I to coexist in peace and harmony I have to conceal a majority of my life from her. I realize that sounds harsh, but moms are gonna be moms and mine is traditional and conservative. I’m sure she would love for me to be a more lady-like, less-outspoken version of myself who keeps her ass at home safe 90% of the time.
When I was going through the divorce I asked my mom how she felt about breast augmentation. She looked me straight in the face and said:
“NO, KATE. NO. YOU’RE NOT GETTING BREAST IMPLANTS. NO.”
I was legitimately considering trading my engagement ring to fund the surgery, a slight “Fuck You” to Ex-Mr. My mother continued to plead her case: “If a man is going to love you, he’s going to love you as you are.”
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. *Rolls eyes*
I honestly don’t think I was that serious. I was just broken and hurt at the time, sometimes when you can’t fix yourself on the inside you think adjusting the exterior will help.
She used to have me repeatedly promise to her that I would not get breast implants EVERY TIME I went back to New York. We would be saying goodbye on an airport curb and she would have me say "I will not get breast implants" before I got on my flight. True story.
When I got my right inner bicep tattoo she didn’t speak to me for 30 hours on a trip home. I clocked it. 30 hours. She couldn’t even look at me. I had to promise not to get any more. If it were solely up to me I would have an extremely prominent forearm tattoo by now, but as much as I want it—I don’t want to go through WWIII with my mom.
Once she told me I need to stop traveling so much, she thinks a man can’t “catch me” since I always have a plane ticket booked somewhere. I know she’s just worried, I never talk to her about dating or men or prospects and being the traditional woman that she is she just wants me to have a partner accompany me through life. Trust me, I want that too—but not for the reasons she thinks I need one.
I’m currently in the process of getting my dream dog. I don’t want to tell her because I have a feeling she’s just going to think I’ve given up on finding a man. She’ll also try to talk me out of it because she know’s I’m busy and that her and my dad are going to be responsible for the dog whenever I decide its time to gallivant.
I’m not asking permission for the dog tho, I’m an adult dammit. I’ll just ask forgiveness when they need to dog sit.