15. Master the Irish Goodbye

I’m a huge sucker for peer pressure. HUGE. It is easily my biggest social weakness. I fall victim to peer pressure on a regular basis, however I’ve been in hermit mode since fall began so I’ve been less susceptible to the strong coaxing of my friends for the past 2 months.

The crazy thing is I don’t even believe in FOMO. I am always secure with my decisions of whether or not I stay home or go out. I just get weak as fuck when I have 2-5 people blowing up my phone, urging me to go to whatever event is happening.

It’s the fucking stroke of the ego that gets me. Are you aware of the validation you feel after 5 separate people are telling you to GTFO of your apt and meet them?

I’m not that cool, guys.

Wait. Yes. I am.

Anyways that’s not the point.

My point is sometimes you get stuck in social situations that go over their time limit or your patience, sometimes your buzz wears off and you’re too sober to enjoy the shit show happening in front of your eyes, and sometimes you just need to make an appearance to show face (because you’re not a complete recluse).

The answer… my friends… is the Irish Goodbye.

It only really works if you’re in a very crowded place or if the host/celebrant is too busy to keep track of you.

Pro Tips:
1. If it’s super late and you’re a female let one other person know you’re going to dip. Choose the least drunk or most understanding person. That way if anyone asks they can vouch for you and your safety. Text them when you arrive at your destination.
2. IGNORE ALL TEXTS YOU RECEIVE AFTER LEAVING (respond in the morning), unless the person sending texts is genuinely concerned with your well-being or location. Otherwise you’re going to get: “BITCH, WHERE DID YOU GO?!?!” “YOU DIDN’T SAY BYE!!!” “YOU OWE ME A DRINK NEXT TIME!!!” Etc. Etc. Etc. Congratulations… If you receive texts like this people like you.