I was in New York when I realized many of my boys were the type to hug me so hard my feet left the ground and their lips made an audible sound when they kissed my cheek. I’ve mentioned this before, I’m an absolute sucker for a good kiss on the cheek, platonic or not.
Sometimes I get caught up in the positive attention they provide that I start to think I’m fine with my co-pilot seat being empty, in little ways they all kind of take turns occupying it.
EXCEPT—they can’t provide D or dates. We all know for a fact I require D and dates, the co-pilot seat is always vacant at night.
They’re all watching though, waiting for the dude that earns the position.
Law calls me every week. Every. Week. He doesn’t believe in the precursory “You busy?” text. He just calls and we get stuck on the phone for an hour every time. I don’t talk to anyone on the phone these days unless someone is having some sort of emotional crisis, but homeboy likes to stay in touch the old fashioned way. The other day I thanked him for always checking up on me. He mentioned the day where I had a breakdown at work and he basically needed to escort me on a walk around the entire West Village until my crying ass calmed down. Then he got all protective and told me he never wants to hear me getting to that level of hurt ever again, that if he could prevent me from future fuckboy situations he can and will. Shucks man…
I always randomly hit up Ryan for dude advice. The funny thing is I won’t take into consideration anyone else’s opinion until I get his perspective. Most of the time his advice is the same as everyone else’s, but I’ll only act upon it because he’s so level-headed and I see him as a green light. It’s always such simple questions too, “Yo should I text this dude?” He’ll tell me “yes,” just like everyone else did. He’ll also tell me I’m too good to chase after any man, that I should be the one pursued. Obviously, I agree with him 200%. Obviously.
Despite Ex-Mr fucking up extra-heavy with me he has a permanent spot on the panel of judges, whether I give him the seat or not. You have to understand our dynamic to comprehend this, not many people do. He’s a silent watchdog and despite all the bullshit we went through during our divorce we still genuinely want the best for the other person. Our wounds are sealed and healed now. Once in a while I’ll complain to him about a dude falling off (communication-wise) and he’ll tell me, “Let him, these dudes filter themselves out. Anyone who just ghosts doesn’t deserve you anyway.” I realize it’s ironic, hearing him say these types of things, but as I’ve explained… only the best.
I pride myself on having a very high sense of self-worth (maybe it’s too high) and I don’t necessarily seek validation from the opposite sex to confirm it, but I’m thankful for the men on my side—they make a girl feel special.
Now all I’m missing is D and dates… telling you. Jokes.