Trust Issues

I’ve been trying to convert myself into a robot for a significant amount of time. I can’t tell if it’s actually working or if I am damaged beyond repair. Let’s face it, I’m human. My heart will continue to feel, despite what I believe is now a bionic organ.

I think I’m far less emotional than your average female. I don’t take shit personally. I’m objective on all subjects. I don’t cry as often as I should. After everything I’ve been though I should go to therapy or be on anxiety meds, maybe. I never resulted to either.

Should I reconsider those?

I’m fine tho. I promise.

Except… I am damaged. I believe anyone can change their mind about me at any given moment. That’s my takeaway from my divorce, my lovely souvenir. At some point he changed his mind. The next one will change his mind too. They’ll all change their mind, eventually. My “sure thing” screwed me over. I wasn’t prepared for that.

I’m terrified of what comes next. What if a unicorn actually shows up? What the hell happens when I finally enter a relationship?

FUCK.

Why does it sound so scary? 

Cues Aubrey…. *”Trust Issues” plays* Right on time…

Note: Zero tears were shed while writing this post. I want to write a funny anecdote because that's my coping mechanism. GAH. Somebody love me already. Half joking. Almost serious.