Anything I can do… You should do better.
Maybe not better, maybe I just expect you to be able to hang.
Ex-Mr used to pour me Jameson with less and less ginger ale until I could drink it straight on the rocks. We then moved onto taste-testing different scotches and he would ask if I could tell the difference between the aged editions. The first time I had Johnny Blue he asked: “How is it?” “It’s good,” I responded with a slight wince. “Then don’t make that face,” he replied. Lessons learned, now I get frustrated when I go on dates with men who order vodka tonics. Weak, so weak.
Since high school I’ve been surrounded by men who know music very well, and then I met Rob and Vince in college and the bar has since been set ridiculously high. I don’t quite have the same exact taste as them, they can discuss Alchemist & Madlib albums until sunrise—I’m still very much into more mass-produced hip hop, but they’ve provided the standards. Because of them I can verbalize why “Graduation” is my all-time favorite Kanye album or why “The Black Album” is above “Reasonable Doubt” as far as my tastes go. I’ll need you to understand the significance of why in my heart Aubrey will never surpass “So Far Gone” for me, ever. Ever. Ever. It dropped in 2009, best (year) I ever had—so far, until someone else wants to change that.
I understand a large majority of the population finds that baseball is boring. It’s cool. I can see why you think so. Part of the fun is predicting the game. The dude on 1st is gonna try to steal, he shouldn’t though because this catcher has been fire as of recently. Lincecum should just walk Goldschmidt because that mother fucker owns him, they can’t afford the batter to connect with two men in scoring position. IDK, details. The game gets better with knowledge, I guess that goes for any sport… Once I had a man ask me if I followed both the Niners and Raiders, yes I was on a date. STOP. That’s the dumbest question any man has ever asked me. You’re killin’ me, Smalls.
There was a dude on my commute who used to regularly engage me in conversation on the way to work. I hate small talk in the am, especially before my coffee. We spoke about traveling, I told him about my trip to South America, he told me he hasn’t really left the U.S. and that he was too intimidated to venture into countries where English is spoken in limited amounts. That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. At least be afraid of flying… something legit. Shit. Fortunately my schedule shifted to an earlier time and I got out of these awkward talks.
I realize these standards are narcissistic. I am the one setting the levels and I will definitely compromise when the proper time comes around—BUT COME ON.
As Meek Mill would say… “See, its brackets…” These men couldn’t get past the first round.
Also, maybe I’m not as cool as I think… maybe the way I view men is all wrong. Sometimes people try to remind me, “all he has to do is treat you right.” Is that really all he has to do? No. That’s not gonna be enough for me. What about attraction, chemistry, compatibility, etc. etc. etc?
Can I have it all or do I settle for “a dude that’s gonna just treat me right?” UGH. That’s another blog entirely and I just made my head spin unnecessarily.
I don’t even know why I’m trying to rationalize my thought process… these dudes are just all wrong until he’s right.
YUP. That's it.