You’d think I’d be more considerate regarding other people’s feelings when it comes to the dating front.
Nah. Let’s face it… I’m a hypocritical, semi-shallow, narcissist who thinks she’s a dude.
I was at Outsidelands when I shook this guy’s hand as if he introduced himself to me for the first time. I extended my hand, repeated his name and *click.* “FUCK. I’ve met this dude multiple times. He has my number.” He realized it finally dawned on me that I recognized him and he gave me a weak nod as if to say: “Yeah, we’ve met before.”
Sometimes I’m the dick. I’m the fuckgirl. I’m the one who ghosts. I’m the one who doesn’t respond. I’m the one who throws curve after curve after curve.
It would be safe to assume that this particular guy might fall back after realizing I can’t remember his name or face after at least three meetings, but no… he texted me that night to ask how the rest of my evening was. I did not respond. I’ve never responded to him. I honestly don’t remember giving him my number. It was before I switched gears and only gave it out to men I honestly want to pursue me.
The last dude on my radar has been there for the past month. He started off ok. We seemed to be compatible despite what sounds like major indecisiveness for his life or career plan. I had to take everything he said with a grain of salt. He was ambitious but didn’t seem like he was ready to settle down, in result I was able to keep him at an arms distance away as far as my feelz go. Also, to be completely honest, I wasn’t sure how attracted to him I was. I was still deciding. That’s not a great sign to begin with. After our third time hanging out I called Law to tell him that this dude still has not attempted to kiss me, all he’s done is given me the weakest hugs I’ve ever experienced from a man. Huge fail on his part part, I need to see if we have chemistry, fast.
I’m fully aware that I am a difficult woman to read. I have poor body language on dates. My personal space bubble is large. In the beginning I will never initiate holding your hand or giving you a kiss. Never. I’ll also laugh in your face and probably insult you on a few subjects. I’m terrible. BUT YOU SHOULD STILL TRY TO KISS ME BY USING YOUR BEST GAME… just sayin.
Due to his lack of initiating physical contact I quickly started to find other reasons why I shouldn't continue seeing him. He's a Leo. I'm a Leo, that's not gonna fly, son. (I'm joking. Maybe.) I’ve begun the fade-away process. I haven’t initiated any texts. I’ve responded to all questions short and only to return the favor by asking the same question. I’m pulling all sorts of distancing moves, throwing curves—hard.
I’ve been a victim of this shit. I also pull it.
I have a variety of bullshit answers I can provide in my defense. I realize I know what the right thing to do is, to be honest with these dudes and tell them I’m not interested. But have you ever sent that text? Have you ever lied and told them you could be friends, stay in touch or hang out?
I have. It’s too much truth and too many lies at the same time. I realize I don't have to give up the fake suggestions, but it sounds ultra cold without them. Remember my no new (platonic) friends post? Also, I'm a terrible liar.
So I get the ghosting… I get that the lack of response is a response is in itself. I completely agree that these are dick moves, but I'm a coward, just like most of the dating world.
I'll own up to it. Guilty as fuck.