I can’t tell you which way is up.
A week ago I was checked out of reality, on a boat on its way to the Bahamas with some of my favorite people. I didn’t check my phone for social media updates. I was clueless about news regarding the outside world. I was gone, extracted from my normal everyday life until I had to formally face it again. I have never escaped real life as much as I did while I was on that “cruise.” I’m still fucking struggling to get my shit together on a day to day basis, I haven’t completely acclimated to normalcy and responsibilities yet.
This week I am freezing my ass off in New York City. The other day it was about “21 degrees but felt like 11.” I keep dozing off at work because of general sleep deprivation, its so obvious that I have gotten called out on it multiple times. I still haven’t caught up. I’m on the brink of getting sick, which is a rarity for me, but my body is angrily rebelling against my behavior over the course of the past two weeks, plus this drastic change in weather. It’s pissed. Ohh well. It was all worth it.
Next week I will be spending Thanksgiving in Virginia with my Uncle and his family. This is the first time I won’t be at home cooking for my family, I’m a bit sad about that, as much as I complain about my yearly volunteer duties. We’re all in different places this year, pops is currently in the Philippines, moms & kid sister are the only ones back home. I think its insane for me to be in another new place within such a short amount of time, my wanderlust and restlessness is backfiring on me, but I wanted to spend the holidays around family.
A month from Monday will mark my last month in NY. I’m already in some sort of transitional period, I can feel it. Sadly my room doesn’t quite feel like home anymore, it’s lost a bit of its comfort because I feel the energy transferring somewhere else—probably on its way back to Cali. Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe I just miss my old routine of which I will never replicate again due to so many changes in my work and commute life. I don’t feel grounded to anything at all, that’s obviously my fault. I’m always doing too much.
I’m always doing too fucking much. I’m just distracting myself… for a thousand reasons.
I would love to just sit still and hold someone’s hand.