Hello again, insomnia. You're not welcome here, but fuck… I guess you plan on sticking around. I hope this doesn't become a habit of yours.
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I read the best piece on Thought Catalog I've read in a minute. I resonate with it so much that I pretty much could've written it myself. Shit, I wish I wrote it.
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Everyone asks what I want.
I realize where I am, how long I have decided to stick around, and that I am still fairly fresh out of a decade+ relationship… so I give you all the expected answer: "I'm just having fun. I'm not really looking for anything serious. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah."
No. Fuck all of that nonsense.
I need to stop lying to myself/everyone.
I require something real and I have no clue how to obtain it.
Sure, I'll tell you about my latest sexual encounter, the men that message me on OKC, and crush A, B, C or D—but that's all surface. I enjoy sharing parts of my life and that's what its limited to right now, but thats not what I want.
Like the link above mentioned (you should click it, go ahead and take a minute), "I want to do everything and nothing with you at the same time."
I want to go to dinner at Per Se and then spend the next morning eating spam, eggs and rice. I want nights where we feel like we're never coming home and days where we never leave one of our apartments. I want you to think I am the sexiest/baddest bitch alive, even though just farted in front of you a minute ago.
I want to make you laugh moments before you finally drift off into sleep. I want to mumble "10 more minutes" every time you try to wake me up in the morning. I want your face to light up when I see you after a long day, and vice versa. I want to fight you for space on the bed then end up spooning, so what does it really matter.
I want everything beautiful you could possibly conceive in a relationship with all the amazing details you've never imagined either.
Everything and nothing, thats what I want.