It's that time of year again. I'm not posting this because I'm sad. I'm posting it cause I looked fucking good. Real talk. 100. 100. 100. Only an arrogant Leo would post a TBT photo in the only place in the world even remotely acceptable because she thought she looked that good.
I look regular as fuck 85% of the year/my life. Allow me this indulgence.
I don’t remember him ever holding my hand while watching the fireworks on the 4th of July. I probably kissed him, stood in his arms for a few moments every year, but nothing particularly affectionate. Most likely I clowned on his ass for some reason or another, yeah—that’s for sure. Love is funny.
So I don’t know why it bothers me so much that no one will be holding my hand for the 3rd year in a row. I guess I’m tired of not having the option. For the record, I always wanted to hold his hand, he was the one with ADHD.
Everyone tries to convince me that I’m not alone.
I promise I’m super thankful. I appreciate all of you. You drop off meals, meds and necessities when I am physically ill, which was proven pretty recently. You come through in the clutch via text when I am emotionally drained. You’re there the second I tell you we’re about to have a celebratory weekend because “A, B or C.” I see you, all of you. I am surrounded by amazing people who try and remind me of my blessings daily. Trust me, I’m wayyyyyyy up. Blessed.
A few weeks ago the last person to greet me “good night” was also the first to say “good morning.” I can’t tell you the last time this happened, it’s so far and infrequent for me. Needless to say I savored the short high I got from it, as brief as it lasted. Going to sleep and waking up solo has been my reality for nearly 3 years. Every time even a fraction of the void fills, albeit momentarily, I am reminded of everything I want. I cannot fill the void alone, regardless of what I try.
Fuck the void though, right? Ignore the void.
Nah. The void is fucking screaming at this point, it’s slowly taking more and more territory. I can’t drown it out. I can’t cover it up.
So I will finally agree, my constant company is proof that I am never alone—but I have this void…
I apologize for the short sporadic posts.
I finally have my life / apartment / routine together in San Francisco. My apartment is fully furnished, I go to the gym, I’ve cooked meals in my kitchen… I’m pretty set.
I’m just having difficulty organizing words into paragraphs regarding the same subject matter and finding the time to do so.
But stay tuned, I have an amazing summer planned ahead of me. It’s filled with 3 music festivals, random trips and God knows what…
I leave you with the realest shit Law has said to me in a minute. Who know’s if he’s right, I could be single forever—but I’m gonna live like I won’t be…
Somewhere between here and there we went from casual conversations to “U up?” texts past 2 am.
FUCK. How’d I get here?
No. I know exactly how I got here. It’s my fault. I let you hold my attention for as little effort as possible. I let you get to know me physically without really earning it, because I said you could and I threw caution to the wind. Fuckit.
I like to think I’m pretty realistic, maybe I’m just as naive as the next woman. I thought our debate about James Harden would lightweight impress you, maybe my former love for Incubus might surprise you. IDK, I honestly believe I’m different—set apart from the rest.
But, I don’t want to have to convince anyone, and maybe they're not looking for anything better than a quick hookup late at night.
I still know myself and my worth. I'm a million times better than any type of bootycall.
You either see it or you don’t. I guess I’m waiting for a dude with 20/20 vision.
Body. Rolls. For. Days. Personally, I love this past the 46 minute mark. You're not ready.
Exclusive mix for Diplo & Friends. Uncensored and without tags. DJ Hoodboi - I Get So Lonely Different Sleep - Say Goodbye Cashmere Cat - Mirror Maru (DJ Mike Gip Remix)(Boomclap Edit) DJ Tray - Bugatti DJ Tray - Turn On The Lights Trippy Turtle - Southside Deep DJ Kiff - My Last Part 2 DJ Tray - D.A.N.C.E. DJ Yolo Bear - Make You Touch My DJ Tricks - One More Time DJ Yolo Bear - TXT U (demo) Evv - Vibr8 Chris Brown - Take You Down (Trippy Turtle Edit) Trippy Turtle - Poison Trippy Turtle - Getting Wood DJ Tray - Who Booty DJ Tray - Rain DJ Bendthaa - Crew Love (feat. DJ Kuddie J & DJ Keese) Next - Wifey (Jaw Jam Bootleg) Trippy Turtle - Senorita Trippy Turtle - Damn Those Jeans DJ Sliink - Love Song The Dream - Sweat It Out DJ Tricks - Slow Grindings Janet Jackson - Would You Mind Trippy Turtle - Only Wanna Give It To You Trippy Turtle - I’m Sprung Trippy Turtle - A Good Ass Turtle
I’ve had a rough couple of days.
I was waiting for texts that never came and getting “he’s just not that into you” advice from a few of my tightest boys. Not to mention I’ve been having numerous conversations about relationships with two ultra-realisitic-dont-wanna-be-in-a-relationship-right-now perspectives.
Everyone has just about killed all of my hopes and dreams, and real talk—I have low expectations to begin with.
I can’t sleep. I don’t wanna socialize. I want to eat all of my feelings, but I won’t—I have to be half-naked in 100 degree+ Las Vegas weather next week.
I have Lorezapam on deck, that I somehow copped by mentioning to various people that I am highly interested in trying anxiety meds. Part of me knows I’ll never take them. My strong-headed ass enjoys knowing I have them within reach but that I lack any real intention to pop one. I've had them for months, if I was going to take one I would've already...
I’ve felt a thousand times worse than I do now, and I dealt with it by riding out the waves.
This is just a small bump in the road, it comes with the territory. I’m being lightweight dramatic mainly because my ego is heavily bruised. Nah, let’s be real… I enjoyed entertaining the idea of a prospect. I really did.
I wish I wasn’t so process-oriented and formulaic. I’m always trying to figure out how to get from point A to B, because that’s how I deal with my career / life / goals. Going from lonely and single to in a relationship is not clear cut at all.
In conclusion, because I am all over the place with this post…
Fuck a process… I need to just keep living my life, cause it’s amazing. BAE / Unicorn / The Impossible Man can find me when he’s ready.
I’ll be the girl dancing by herself, giving zero fucks.
In case you were wondering we are back to our regularly scheduled program.
Told you.
These highs never last for me. I can’t hold a man’s attention past a few weeks, sadly. Well—no one I’ve ever been interested in (except one)…
The positive thing is that I’ve decided I’m ready to date, ready to see what the hell is out there, ready to probably get burned in the process (#defeatist) and ultimately—ready to fuck shit up again. I was afraid I would run away at even the thought of a prospect, but I reacted otherwise, thankfully.
We’ll call the last guy a test run, BAE Watch is now in full summer mode.
Please pray for me. I could use all the help I can get.
I stand five foot three. I weigh in at a buck twenty. I have the most ridiculous obsession with Trap music. I am too small to go so hard to music like this, but I do... Numerous times I've heard: "Damn Kate, you like GRIMEYYY ass music."
I love it.
It's the caffeine in my coffee. My Mario star power. I am the original Trap Queen, trust.
Thanks to Robbie for bringing Vince Staples to the top of my radar.
Apparently I have a reputation for having difficult time being interested in anyone romantically.
“You’re picky.” “You’re fickle.” “You never like anyone.”
All truths. Guilty as fuck.
So when I open my mouth and recite the words: “Yo. I met a dude.” Please note that I am already weary of sharing this feat of nature. 9/10 I speak way too soon. Naturally everyone goes on high alert with 20 questions anyways:
“Who is he? What does he do? Does he have an IG? Can I see a picture? Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.”
HOLD UP.
To this day no man I have ever been interested in has worked out past a week of texting or a third date. Except for one dude, he knows who he is. Most of the time these men do me the favor of ghosting themselves. That’s cool, they probably would’ve been bigger dicks to me a month or two down the line anyways… I'll accept the quick departures in return for not wasting any more of my time. Also, I need to admit that I have changed my mind about a few of them too.
Sigh.
So here I am at the time being… I met a dude.
These opportunities come so far and few between for me that I freak the fuck out. Previous experiences tell me this will lead to nothing. Melissa thinks this dude is actually my unicorn. It's way too soon to say anything. I wish I could just fast forward, but for the meantime...
Standby.
A few weeks ago Law told me that sometimes I can come off as more “homie” than “wifey.” Well excuse me if I believe that most mixtape releases are better than album drops or if I blow up your cell phone with my personal play-by-play observations on how your team just lost that shit in the 4th quarter.
You know what my response to him was? “I’M MEEEEEE.” #1000degrees #WayneVoice
He didn’t mean it with any negative connotation. He just said it was an observation.
I still believe I’m wifey personified. I’ll rub your back when you have a bad day and listen to your work bullshit. I’ll cook you your favorite meal on a random Sunday night. I'm clean as fuck and can’t stand clutter. I’ll reward you in the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the living room, or the shower), consistently. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?! *Points to self*
I CAN BE YOUR HOMIE, BUT WITH A VAGINA (that you can enjoy).
What an ultimate combination. I basically want the same. A man who fits in nicely with the rest of my boys but who I've never friend-zoned. Yes. I want that.
#Homie #Lover #Friend
GOOD GOD. I fucking love this song.
I know I dream about her all day
I think about her with her clothes off
I'm ridin' 'round with my system pumpin' LSD
I look for ways to say, "I love you"
But I ain't into makin' love songs
Baby, I'm just rappin' to this LSD
She ain't a stranger to the city life
I introduce her to this hippy life
We make love under pretty lights, LSD (Acid)
I get a feelin' it's a trippy night
Them other drugs just don't fit me right
Girl, I really fuckin' want love, sex, dream
Another quarter to the face system
Make no mistakes, it's all a leap of faith for love
It takes a place in feelin' that you crave doin' love, sex, dreams
My friends laughed at me when I was hyped about purchasing Shake Shack stock when it IPO’d. They said I had “Molly eyes.” If you don’t know what that means, I’m not going to explain it. I bought it at $45 a share. It closed at around $93 on Friday.
WHO’S LAUGHING NOW MUFUCKAS?
I told you. I suggested you all purchase it for yourselves. We could all be rich, you guys. Geez. Listen to me next time. Also, I will not be held accountable for poor stock advice. I’m still learning.
I get it. It’s hard to listen to the immature woman telling you to buy fast food stock. Who am I to suggest that? I’ll tell you who I am… a fucking fan with great intuition. HAVE YOU EATEN THEIR BURGER’S AND FRIES?
I’m a fan. The world is a fan.
Also… You should purchase iWatches. I own Apple stock too. Just sayin.