Ball so Hard, Sometimes

I am a QUEEN of dualities. 

I have already expressed that I consider myself a dude on a variety of levels YET I have hardcore lady-like vanity habits. I am super lazy and have a tendency to procrastinate to a dangerous point—YET, I love the hustle, I love the grind. 

My favorite out of all of these polar opposites is my BALL SO HARD attitude when I'm cheap-AF. For example:

Thrifty-Kate

  • I hate paying for cabs.
    ​I'm perfectly capable of walking, even at 2 am. If I have already paid for a months worth of unlimited Muni or MTA rides, I don't want to spend the unnecessary money for transportation. I could be crazy drunk and try to convince you that we don't need a cab, which is idiotic on my behalf cause I should probably get home as soon as possible at that point, but whatever. I'm tellin' you—CHEAP.
    • Pre-Game
      ​I could be 35 years old and making six-figures and I will still want to drink before we go out to drink on an ordinary night. I'm sure a lot of people are with me on this. No? Then you're not cool with me. I'm just trying to save $18 on the first two drinks at the bar. I'm just trying to have all of us save some bread, shoot.

    • Wi-Fi
      ​I will never pay for Wi-Fi, as much as I love Social Media and Instagram is my crack cocaine, I will not. However, if you want to pay I will ask you if I can borrow your phone. I don't want to shell out my own cash, but I still gotta check my feed. 

    • DIY
      ​If I can do it myself, I don't want to pay for someone else's markup. Last year I bought a friendship bracelet kit at Michael's and started making my own bracelets cause the ones I wanted online were running $50+. No thank you, I can make that shit myself. I also really wanted to make a terrarium at one point but the dialogue always went something like this: "How much is that? WHAT?! Pshhh, I'll make it myself." Although I never did make that terrarium…

    • Restaurant Leftovers
      ​Box, please. Almost ALL the time. The exception to this rule is if we are eating dinner before going out to a club. I'm cheap but I will not bring "baon" (Filipino word for leftovers that turns into lunch the next day, Fact—its my favorite Filipino word, everrr) into a bar/club, I have my limits folks. In that specific case I will only order what I can finish in that sitting alone, or I will split with a homie.


    ​#BallSoHard-Kate

    • Sunglasses
      ​I have two pairs of Gucci sunglasses (I had three but I lost my favorite pair in Mexico, and I'm still pissed at myself for that one) and another pair around the same value. Expensive sunglasses are my vice. I always know which pair I want next and its a ridiculous accessory for me, considering I wear eyeglasses 75% of the time. Its the worst investment ever, but at least I'm stuntin' when the sun is out.

    • Bottle Service
      ​If we're going to a club and its your birthday, and you're in my inner circle—WE ARE DOING BOTTLE SERVICE. I will throw down two bills for you, there is no other option. If we're going to stay at one place the entire night, I want some place to sit and relax. Plus, its your birthday, we're doing shit right. Note: there are probably only 10 people I would do this for (like I said, inner circle-status).

    • REAL Leather
      ​I have a grown lady rule that I think women of a certain age should only be in possession of real leather, that goes for jackets, bags and shoes. This is my rule, personally. I like dead cow skin, I blame my mom. Not judging anyone else based on being decked out in vegan-leather, but if it really looks fake, then I just might…

    • Quality
      ​I like $14 cocktails where the bartenders wear suspenders and they slap an orange peel (literally) in your drink before they put it in. I like 4-star hotels in dope cities. I like $80 bottles of cab. I have a bucket-list for famous restaurants alone. Apparently this is the "Leo's need for luxury" astrological aspect of me.


    ​Basically I have no problem dishing out the dough for items and services I value. A major point of this is being around people who know and appreciate the same things. I would hate to take you to a speak-easy-type-bar and have you spend $15 on a Manhattan when you really have no reference of how awesome it is. I usually have a good sense on which end of the spectrum my friends are on. 

    The driving force behind my cheap side is that no matter what—I am BROWN. I was raised by immigrant parents who didn't have a dime to their name when they arrived on U.S. soil. My sister and I shared everything growing up, down to McDonalds meals. We never had anything as soon as it hit the streets, and we were always on a budget. My pops always told me I could buy whatever I wanted as soon as I was making my own money, and my mom engrained in my head that I should always save for a rainy day. They will never understand why I need to spend $18 on MAC Blush, but they're always the reason why I only take what I need.

    If She's Amazing...

    Please raise your hand if you think I'm in New York City to hoe-it-out for a while. Go ahead, I won't judge you—as long as you don't judge me.

    Truth is… I realized I have wayyy too much self-respect for myself. Wayyy toooo much. No joke. I'm over here thinking I'm some kind of prize, something to be won. There is no luck involved with getting my panties, its work. But I like to think I'm worth it.

    I'm still trying to convince myself otherwise, cause well—WHY NOT? Why shouldn't I be (safely) promiscuous and have casual sex constantly?

    BECAUSE… Because… because…

    I'M DOPE AS FUCK.

    I think I'm that cool. I won't tell you that I have such high-regard for myself, cause that's just narcissistic. 

    I'm just saying…

    I'm not that girl. 

    I'm the type to make you chicken sopas when you're dying from the flu. I'm the type who you take to a ball game and yells at the ump louder than you. I'm the type "you dream about and wanna wake up with." I'm the type you take home to mom, and the rest of your family. 

    So excuse me if I feel as though Mr. Random will have no chance of putting his "P" in my "V." He doesn't realize I'm a chick w/ an immature sense of humor, a love for peanut butter and chocolate and a good girl all around.

    ​ 

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    Story of My Life

    "Now, she back in the club in a tight dress
    ​With dreams of someday wearing a white dress
    ​​Seen with some lame, it's a miracle that she'd
    ​Talk to a nigga with a ten-year ago swag..."

    WHO TOLD YOU, 'YE?!? Who told you...​

    Greater Than

    Baseball > Everything

    Filipino Dessert > American Dessert

    Tea > Coffee (except at 9am, M-F)

    July > December

    Ryan Gosling = Joseph Gordon Levitt (don't make me choose)

    Get Over It Drake > Started from the Bottom Drake

    Arugula > Lettuce

    Memorial Day > Labor Day

    Instagram > Facebook

    Cheetos > Chips (except jalapeño kettle chips)

    San Diego Mexican food > Sacramento Mexican food > SF Mexican food

    Nostalgia = Channel Orange (I can't pick between them)

    House of Balloons > Echoes of Silence > Thursday 

    Kauai > Oahu

    90's R&B > 90's Hip Hop

    Breakfast > Dinner

    Pilates > Yoga

    Michael Scott & Holly > Jim & Pam

    Yellow box of Honey Bunches of Oats > Blue box of Honey Bunches of Oats

    Beautiful > Hot

    Almond Milk > Soy Milk > Milk

    Wine > Beer

    Scotch > Rye > Bourbon > Irish (if we're drinking straight up)

    Salmon > Tuna

    Boots > Almost all shoes

    ​

    Deal Makers

    In preparation for my newfound singledom I've been discussing deal breakers with various girlfriends. I've always kept a running list in the back of my mind, despite being married. Like I said, shit happens, and its always good to remember what you value in a potential mate/partner/whatever. The list covered some pretty standard material:

    • Smoking
    • Lacks ambition
    • Lives at home
    • Isn't able to stand up for me/himself at the appropriate times
    • Bad taste in music/Lacks music knowledge (this is a huge one for me, personally)

    I could elaborate on each of these items individually, but that would just be me further explaining negative attributes that don't even need to be discussed. Its easy, if a man seems to be racking up too many of these—then its onto the next.

    Let's focus on the deal makers. The shit that will make me take a second glance, the undercover qualities I find attractive, which I honestly haven't thought about until just recently.

    1. The Art of Good Conversation

    Men, if you didn't know—a lady can determine if she will take off her panties for you before you even go on your first date. No, I didn't say she will take off her panties on the first date. I'm saying we already know how far we will go based on verbal communication alone. After physical attraction the next biggest thing for me is the art of good conversation. Although I write/speak somewhat too casually at times (with slang you have to Urban Dictionary or cuss words x1,000). I like to think I have a pretty extensive vocabulary. So I take note when a guy seems articulate and uses proper grammar. You can fail super hard with me based on "your" vs. "you're" alone. 

    2. An Excellent Sense of Humor

    My top three movies go something like this: "Superbad," "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and "The Hangover" (disclaimer: I have a legit list too, saved for the occasions I talk to cool people and I need to sound artsy). But real talk, I have an immature sense of humor, and I embrace it. I love meeting people who find the same things I do funny. That instant click? You cannot buy that. A man has to be able to make me laugh—no question.

    3. Steez

    I will notice a well-dressed guy from a block away. Once I followed a guy out of the subway (going the exact opposite direction that I needed to) because I wanted to keep staring at him. Haha, yeah thats not creepy at all… Choice of clothing is only half of the equation, the other half is fit. I really want to emphasize fit, a man's clothes have to fit perfectly. If a man is looking' SHARP, thats the ultimate. Take note, he can do this in a t-shirt, denim and kicks, not sayin' he has to be suit n tied up (although, hey, that is our equivalent to lingerie). This is also a head to toe thing, a good haircut is very much necessary as well as the shoes on your feet. If I can get my nails done every three weeks, eyebrows waxed and paint my face on a daily basis then please assume that I expect a well-groomed man to accompany me. Also, I give extra points for glasses. I'm a sucker for a good pair of spectacles. Extra extra points if you can rock a clean comb-over cut with the side part, *insert heart-eyes emoticon here.*

    4. Worldy-ness

    Plain and simply, I want someone on my level. I'm not saying you should have already traveled the globe. But at the very least, a man should want to see the world while with me, because I don't like to stay still for very long. My general curiosity isn't always necessarily traveling, its as simple as trying Ethiopian or Moroccan food or hitting up a churrascaria cause we're craving ten different kinds of grilled meat. If Thai food is too exotic for you, or if you have a "seafood texture" thing, then thats an automatic fail for me. Deuces for sure.

    5. Chivalry

    I consider myself an independent woman who can hold her own, hell—I moved 3,000 miles on my own accord with savings and a single credit card in hand. However, I am somewhat backwards and old fashioned on the inside. I will always expect a man to offer to pay, hold the door, pull out my chair, etc. etc. etc, key word "offer." Make no mistake, when the check comes at the end of dinner or drinks I want to pay too, I'm just saying I expect him to beat me to the punch and refuse my card. I can take care of myself but I want to know you want to take care of me first. Bottom line—I'm just looking for a gentleman, because I know I deserve one. Once we establish that fact, I'm a lady that likes to take care of her man too. 

    6. Hype Seeking

    I always chase hype, whether its a food fad or a new restaurant or a mixtape album drop. I have always had a thirst to know what the hell is crackin'. I hate being late to the game. I'm always tryin' to be onto that new new, especially when it comes to music. I try my best not to be pretentious about this, but I will call people out when they've been sleepin' on things they really shouldn't have. If I can find a male equivalent to my hype madness then I will never miss a thing. 

    Honorable mentions / extra pluses:

    • The ability to dance well. I consider myself to be an excellent dancer. I feel that the dance floor is the one place where I am always coordinated, otherwise I'm tripping over my own two feet or walking into walls. No joke. If you can cut a fking rug with me, particularly to a sexy ass song then we are so good. 
    • The ability to cook. Because who doesn't love a man who can cook? I love to eat. Perfect combination.

    Good Girl. Bad City.

    If you didn't know—I can reference Kendrick for days. The same goes for Drake/J.Cole/Wale/Frank O., etc. etc. etc. Just in case you didn't catch my GKMC reference. 

    So I've been in New York for 3+ weeks, only. It feels like forever and at the same time it feels like nothing. I already know this place is different, and it moves fast-AF. To remind you all, I've been in a committed monogamous relationship for 11+ years. I am completely clueless as to what the hell the dating world is like, let alone what dating in NYC is like. CLUELESS. 

    But here I am... thrown into the fire. 

    Within 3 weeks I have received/given my number to various dudes. I have no idea WTF I am doing and I am pretty sure it is becoming apparent. I have no game, literally, zero. I have no idea how to play the game. Its pretty pathetic that I am claiming it right here and now, but whatever… thats why I write. I've already entertained a few folks back home from my failures/success in this sector of my life. I'm glad they find it amusing cause I feel like a fking experiment over here.

    Back home I was surrounded by married couples, families and super-committed duos. I might be able to count my single friends with one hand, no joke. I rolled w/ people of the same status in life, not that I tried to, we just all happened to be at the same exact point in our lives. So this is when they can all live vicariously through me, or just get a kick out of WTF some guy said to me last night. 

    To give you some backstory… I was a good fucking wife, there is no question. I just got screwed sometime within the past year and had to end my marriage. Internally I am still the good girl that made up that good wife. I can't turn that off, at least not right now. I don't know if I can ever turn that off. Who knows, maybe I never have to. Although over here, I'm pretty sure I will have to learn how to stop being that good girl pretty fast. Make no mistake though, don't think my heart is on my sleeve cause I claim my good girl mentality. After the heartbreak I endured last year, my heart is made of fucking titanium at this point. I just have too much pride to look stupid, thats all.

    I am at a serious disadvantage—I am navigating unknown territory at rookie-level status—in a city full of sharks. NY is a baddd city, I can already tell. But in the end, I really wouldn't be anywhere else in the world. Haha, I learn fast anyways...

    "Alright alright alright... You gon' learn today."

    Two Chainz. Two Bridges.

    I have no real reference to Two Chainz, I just found out the hood I live in is called "Two Bridges" (so just imagine Two Chainz saying "Two Bridges" in his obnoxious voice, thats all I want, stupid I know, just humor me). Its a small area located in between the Manhattan & BK bridge, off the outskirts of Chinatown.

    I live in a seven bedroom loft with seven guys, I am the sole female roomie.

    After less than two weeks of living in NY I searched CL for rooms for rent on a whim and replied to a listing. I visited the room the next morning and found out there was a washer & dryer in the unit. I was pretty much sold instantly, that plus the exposed brick walls and natural lighting that fills the room during the day.​ I didn't sleep on the opportunity, I told the current tenant I would take the room right then and there. The next day I signed a 3 mo. lease and wrote a check for the first month's rent and a deposit—mind you... without meeting any of the seven current roomies (although I did get pretty accurate descriptions on each of them individually) and without looking at any other places to live. Everyone I've told this story to looks at me like I'm crazy. Hah. Maybe... just a little.

    It was the most stress-free apartment search I've ever had, and I'm grateful. I have been lax on everything in my life for the past five months and I was afraid that finding a room for rent would stress me the hell out. I didn't want to compromise my newfound attitude just because I needed to find a place to live, in the past I've usually taken everything way too seriously. So thanks to my new #fuckit attitude I have an awesome room in a dope spot from a completely stress-free experience. I realize I won't be able to avoid my usual stress and anxiety forever, I plan on getting back on my hustle and the daily grind soon enough. Its always onto the next around here...

    ​

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