I cried for an entire week after I decided to go with IVF.
I cried the hardest immediately after I made the decision. Then I just cried every morning after I woke up. The only thing that made me stop crying was doing research and owning the shit out of my choices.
You only get 5 seconds to be emotional then you gotta be a gangster again.
That’s it. That’s all the fuck you get.
I’ve been going through psychological olympics for the last 6 months. My mind is a cerebral battlefield.
I’ve always been a very cerebral person. I’m in my head A LOT. Every time I walk Tako by myself I am having an internal discussion. I have always been more objective than emotional, but this subject takes the cake.
I’ve realized how blessed I am to have a fully-functioning reproductive system, to have a hell of a support system in place, to have the financial independence to choose to have a child on my own, and to have kick ass insurance to cover the process. To be perfectly honest tho, I would’ve liquidated my e-Trade account to fund this. Cause what’s the point of trying to create generational wealth if there is no generation to follow? Even if robots/artificial intelligence and an environmental crisis are humankind’s eventual demise. Nah. I’m not joking, but I digress…
I’ve reduced the plan down to a checklist and a timeline, shit to get done to execute the dream.
I’m currently in a holding pattern. I have an active infection that needs to clear before we can begin the IVF journey. I’ve had it for months and although I feel nothing from an external standpoint, internally it can be detrimental to a developing fetus.
Someone asked me how I currently feel in this process. My answer was a surprising one.
You know how pro athletes arrive at the stadium before a game? They’re usually fitted pretty sick, holding a gym bag, and have noise-cancelling headphones on hyping them up for the match to come.
That’s exactly how the fuck I feel.
I’m arriving at the stadium, in a sick outfit, listening to this song, ready to suit up so the game can start.
LFG.