I felt a little guilty for putting the basic dude with the weak D on blast on here, but shortly after I wrote that post he sent me an unsolicited photo of condoms followed by a simple and smug: “You’re welcome.”

Context: The subject came up in conversation during a previous date. We discussed my strict policy requirement, he stated he didn’t have any and shared some typical defense on why he doesn’t use them.

NEWSFLASH: No one likes condoms. NO ONE.

*EYES ROLL SO HARD I LOOK LIKE BRAN WHEN HE DOES HIS THING WHEN HE LEAVES THE CONVERSATION IN GAME OF THRONES*

I had not yet sent the “Sorry, but I don’t want to waste your time…” text by the time homeboy thought he was making my day by attempting to entice me with more (mediocre) sex.

You have to be supremely arrogant and presumptuous to text a woman of a photo of condoms and assume that:

She thinks you’re thoughtful for obtaining contraceptives.
She wants more sex.

Just so everyone is clear with my entire thought process when it comes to deciding if I want to have sex with a man I (spent way to much time and) created a decision tree. I hope the use of a visual aid adds to the overall depth of understanding these kinds of choices.

Please note that actually only a small percentage of men get past that first question, also note there are so many more ways to immediately skip all the way to the end of the line where the my possible curiosity goes to die.