Preface: You will either find this post to be depressing or real, depending on your own perception levels.
It’s 2018 and I've entered this year as salty as ever. I figured the Universe would’ve paid me back by now. It’s not like I expected a full check plus interest (that’s a debt that will be paid over way more time). I was just expecting a few emotional reparations, maybe in the form of a potential love interest or at least someone to wish me good night consistently.
It's been five years. Five years and no one has managed to wife me up again. Not even a girlfriend title. It’s not like I have a busted face… or even worse… a busted personality.
SO WHAT THE FUCK THEN? Yeah, yeah I get it. I don't get to decide these timelines.
Instead I turn 35 this year, still single.
I spent my Friday at work researching various things. The Google search on my work laptop screams of “desperate mid-30’s woman trying to find answers.”
A few of my single girlfriends keep talking about freezing their eggs. Do you know how much it costs to freeze your eggs???
About $10k to harvest. $500/year to store them. And when you find your happily ever after and the man of your dreams to impregnate such eggs it costs about $5k per IVF procedure to put those fertilized puppies back into your uterus.
NAH DUDE. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT TIMES INFINITY.
(If you do not currently hear the salt connected to each sentence I’m typing then you’re reading this post all wrong.)
TBH freezing my eggs was never my contingency plan. I’m much more comfortable seeking out a sperm donor and dealing with motherhood on my own. That way I'm in control of the greater picture. I can’t keep waiting around for someone that I don't know will even show up. Plus, I can handle this on my own. I know I can. I’m just incredibly salty that my life has resulted to strongly considering what I believe to be a very unromantic and pragmatic means of providing me one of the greatest gifts I can possibly receive.
“Hi baby, I wanted you so bad I had to pick a dad you’ll never know. I’m sorry.”
Sometimes when the subject comes up and I’m drunk and emotional I ask people their opinions: “Do you think it’s selfish I'm willing to conceive a child with the possibility of the child never having an actual father?” Everyone seems to reassure me that multiple father figures will come into play… but still… I think my unborn child deserves better than that.
BTW for those of you who are wondering it’s about $300-$500 per artificial insemination procedure. Yeah, I googled it to make sure the cost was within budget. It is.
Who fucking knows though… I might be overreacting to all this just because I turn 35 this year. I haven’t even ordered my fertility test yet. Maybe it’ll tell me I have the egg reserve and hormones of a spritely 25 year old woman. I highly doubt that, but I guess there is no use in all of this worrying until I get actual scientific results back.
In other news, I have to get back on the dating horse, again. Time to go deal with men who don’t know what the fuck they want, who like the idea of “love” but aren’t ready for it at this time in their lives, and are just generally awkward or sociopathic in general.
WISH ME LUCK.
FUCK.
PS. Wish me more luck that I get decent medical results. I give up on men anyways.