Three of my boys are celebrating their 35th birthdays this year. An age that high sounds fucking frightening—if I’m being completely honest. I’m trying to remain unbothered that I turn 34 in August. If I tell myself enough, maybe I’ll start believing it.
There’s an episode in “Atlanta” where Donald Glover’s character has a monologue about how he feels he’s been on the losing end of life for a long time. He goes on to question if some people are meant to lose while others remain the winners. We can’t all win, right? Some of us have to lose… unfortunately.
I think there’s a lighter version of that, and it’s not so much about winning and losing. There are moments when we each get to take the spotlight. These moments are based around society’s benchmarks: graduating school, getting engaged/married, having a child, buying a house, etc. etc. etc. Basically you get to take the spotlight any given time you’ve unlocked one of these achievements. You are either in the spotlight or you’re in the audience—eventually awaiting your turn or having experienced that moment yourself.
I have 3 weddings to attend this year. I believe there are about a dozen babies waiting to be born from my Instagram feed alone, I lost count.
I was so young when I was in the spotlight. It was graduation… proposal… marriage… one after another. Now I’m stuck waiting again, I get to watch everyone else have their turn. Zero saltiness, however I do feel like I’ve been waiting a long time.
Despite the imaginary queue I just described this is genuinely the happiest I’ve been in a minute.
Not just content. Happy.
Maybe it’s because I’m currently running at 95% adulting efficiency and I’m fuckin’ killin’ it. Maybe it’s because I’m not dealing with dating and the disappointments that come with it. Maybe it’s because after all the times I try to convince myself that life always works itself out I am finally fucking believing in it.
Whatever it is… cheers to genuine happiness (even while single as fuck) and cheers to second chances of being thrown back in the queue.