20. I do not believe in forevers, at least for me
Ex-Mr did a number on me, because of him I will always be slightly broken and I have accepted it. It’s ok. I’m like a permanently injured animal you see out in the wild and wonder how they lost a limb or move with some kind of limp. I’m internally scarred.
I can’t tell if I’m a realist or a pessimist when it comes to love and relationships, but my views on monogamy, matrimony and the concept of “forever” are all kinda fucked. I apologize in advance if you find this post depressing.
I had no doubts when I married him, but over time he couldn’t keep his vows or commitments to me and I was destroyed. Our storybook life came to a screeching halt and I woke up to a nightmare.
Maybe I feel this way because no one has come around to try and prove me wrong. Maybe I have these views because I realize how mature you can be with ending relationships and how it’s healthy to accept life as it is and move on. Or maybe I’m just crazy—I’m not sure. It’s probably all of the above.
So I figure I can have 3 great loves in my life:
- Ex-Mr
Despite how dejected I sound I would never change a thing—as tumultuous as the ride was. We fucking loved each other—intensely, and we had a hell of a time together. Chapter closed.
- Future Baby Daddy
I always joke around that I’m hunting for husband no.2 or baby daddy no.1. At this point in my life it’s clear what my priorities are. This is love so great he’s worth sharing a child (or 2) with, but eventually life kicks in and forever doesn’t exist. But we have a shit ton of sex and laughs (sometimes at the same time) until then so its cool.
- Grow-old-love
Honestly this one will probably be my favorite, sorry #1 and #2. I imagine this one gets to travel Europe with me cause we’re too old to visit hip and adventurous places, so we do lame city tours and crack jokes about the facts we learn. This is the sweet one I sit on park benches with while we take walks and people watch (i.e. criticize for fun). This is the one whose wrinkles I touch and whose hair I watch grey.
Then again, maybe forever love does exist. I wouldn’t mind being proven wrong.