I think its funny how everyone seems to have an opinion on who I should date.

You bring up the same dudes and ask why. Why I can’t make it work or why I’m not interested…

I’ll be real.

I am constantly taking an inventory of eligible bachelors in my mind. Note: I take note of the ineligible ones as well. I note how attractive, funny, cool or stylish I find them and I immediately categorize them into either “interested” or “friend zone” buckets. 90% of the time they go into the friend bucket.

Why?

Cause I want that spark.

I want to have hellllllla heart eyes for you, off the fucking bat. I want a perpetual-never-ending-always-excited-to-see-you-crush.

It might be superficial to garner so much interest for a member of the opposite sex by an introduction and a handshake alone but I want to feel that immediate kick—that instant fire when you make eye contact and say “nice to meet you.”

I guess I’m asking for a lot. I’m just speaking from experience—I never want to convince myself on how attracted I am to you.

Never.

I had a crush on Ex-Mr from the first day of 7th grade until one fateful night where he broke my heart so badly that I could not look at him the same way ever again. Despite 11 years of being together he always gave me butterflies. Even after a decade I could smile at him from across the street be excited to greet him hello.

Can I have that? Actually—can I have better than that? I think I deserve it.

Hella. Heart. Eyes.

Please.

For the record I am perfectly capable of getting these crushes. Unfortunately none of them have been sustainable, yet.