11. The Story is Already Written

I like to make wishes when I catch the clock at 11:11, it happens pretty often. I honestly take a minute to think about what I want for the next year whenever I blow out my birthday candles. I like to believe that ridiculous coincidences are clear-cut signs and then I run with them—blindly. I’ve had a few good ones in my lifetime. I save fortune cookie fortunes that are exceptionally good, the last one said: “A chance meeting with a stranger will possibly change your life.”

I force myself to go out even when I have no desire to leave the house. Part of me thinks that maybe I’ll run into the mother fucker who’s supposed to be the next love of my life. I don’t want to miss out on that story—obviously. However I doubt that scenario less and less, I don’t have the energy or patience to go out these days. But total recluses can’t find love being antisocial, can they? Thus the weekly battle I currently endure.

I fully believe I don’t have that much control over my life. Sure, I make decisions and I try to make the best choices, but ultimately—this shit is not up to me.

I fantasize that my life is this amazing jumbled up rom-com. HEAVY on the com, light on the rom. Judd Apatow would write it, Wes Anderson would direct it. I have no idea what is happening in the story right now. We’re probably just filming random b-roll of me silently trying to keep my shit together while crying in a bathroom stall at work.

See that sounds sad, but it’s not. Despite the various bullshit I’ve had to endure through the years I know my life is actually this light-hearted story with random adventures. The script is already written, I’m just rolling with the punches on a day-to-day basis.

I guess it’s the romantic side in me that finds comfort in knowing the story is already set, because whatever happens is what is supposed to. Low-key corny… but I need low-key corny right now.