I told myself I’d attempt to post at least twice a week in the new year. I’ve already failed you.
In my defense I would like to state that I’ve had the most quality and lengthy amounts of sleep I’ve had in a long time. My evenings usually revolve around a workout class, getting high off edibles (to ensure a proper and drowsy sedative state) and binge watching Netflix’s “Chef’s Table” or Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown” until I pass out.
Can I paint you the picture real quick though? Here’s me at 32 watching food documentaries & travel programs high as fuck… contemplating how I can reach a restaurant in the middle of nowhere in Sweden to consume a 30 course tasting menu or mentally adding new destinations to an already mile-long wander-bucket-list. Sometimes I’m even fancy as fuck and I have cheese and wine. This is my life, you guys. It’s good. I enjoy it.
So the problem is that I can’t write when I’m high.
I’m overcome with a crippling paranoia that I sound like a babbling idiot, full sentences are difficult to piece together. It’s impossible. Also, I’m not delusional. I’ve gone back to edit non-posts that were written under the influence of edibles—they make no sense. Allow me to spare you… OR MAYBE… I should just create a “hits blunt” section filled with my super high thoughts. I bet my boys would love that (P.S. Don’t suggest that to me. I’m here to be taken seriously…. sometimes).
I’m often caught with the evening dilemma: sleep or write?
When writing wins it’s usually because I’m feeling some type of way. I get struck with the motivation to break out my laptop at 11pm or I’m inspired by some analogy I thought of earlier in the day. On these nights it’s likely I won’t go to sleep until 1am or later. Often times I’m also just up writing posts that never get published—you should see my drafts folder, its ridic. When I’m really going through some shit the insomnia kicks into high gear and I’m constantly posting. See quote below…
In a way its kind of cliché when you think of the creative process. You think super creative people bank on 8 hours of sleep everyday? You think people who find it easy to fall sleep every night have great stories to tell? Uhh, try not to take that last statement as a blatant generalization, but you get the gist.
Bear with me as I find the balance.
I’m not going anywhere—I have too much to say. All. The. Time.