The first alternative band Ex-Mr got me to enjoy was Coldplay. It was 2001 (daaaamn) and I had a huge crush on him (for the record I was significantly cooler than him according to the social hierarchy at our high school). He mentioned that he thought of me whenever he heard “Yellow” so naturally I became obsessed with that song. Soon enough other bands followed suit: Radiohead, Interpol, RHCP, etc. etc. etc. Eventually he had me memorizing Incubus and Jimmy Eat World lyrics without much encouragement.
My appreciation for alternative bands came fairly easy. Our biggest/longest musical rift was his love for Lil Wayne and my disgust. From Tha Carter to Tha Carter IV I could not stand Lil Wayne. That’s five fucking years of hating Weezy on my part and Ex-Mr declaring him the “best rapper alive.” The subject of Tunechi was a constant source of grief because we had such different opinions on his music.
YOUR BOY NEEDS TO ANNUNCIATE, I CAN’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING HE’S SAYING.
Eventually I conceded. I started breaking down in 2009, “Every Girl” dropped and I couldn’t deny that I loved the single. Slowly my hatred turned into respect, respect into love. Ex-Mr was persistent when it came to his favorite. Now I’m here praying that Carter V gets released sooner than later because I miss the motherfucker killing it with his bars.
All of that was just an introduction on how I’ve recently realized I’m lacking a direct outside influence.
When I get left to my own devices I get stuck in my zone.
It gets boring. It’s predictable. It’s all me, there is no one to push me to try new things. Some weeks I purposely tell myself I cannot listen to Trap. I obey my self-inflicted rules for the most part. I end up listening to America, Frank Ocean or Aubrey all day. I really do listen to Drake in backwards chronological order all the time. I have to tell myself that this default musical setting isn’t allowed either.
I’m stuck, man.
I want someone to force me to try the ice cream flavor I would’ve never fucking chosen. I also want him to buy me another scoop if I decide it’s inedible. I need someone to explain the entire sport of football to me because I have holes in my knowledge base. You have no idea how many stupid questions I asked Ex-Mr about baseball before I got to the level I am now. I would like someone to suggest activities I normally wouldn’t do—just to see if I enjoy them. I wouldn’t mind getting consumed by a TV series that isn’t a sitcom, cause that’s my automatic choice any day.
Maybe I just need suggestions, maybe I should just focus on pushing myself to try new things or maybe I just want someone to fight me as hard as Ex-Mr did when it came to Weezy.
Yeah, ok. All of the above.