I’ve been asking my friends this question for a solid year: Do single adults have any intention of creating completely platonic friendships with single members of the opposite sex?

The resounding response is tricky, but the consensus is “no.” No one needs new “friends.”

When I was newly single and in a brand new city I was largely naive when it came to this subject matter. I’m still lightweight naive when it comes to what men’s real intentions are. I can tell you half a dozen instances when I was blind to the fact that the man I was just speaking to was blatantly hitting on me, probably more. *Shrugs* I’ll probably be forever naive, that’s what I get for never being single during such a critical decade of growth.

But back to the question…

The usual case is everyone already has friends, plenty of friends. When you’re a single entity do you really need more? Do you need a new friend of the opposite sex to go watch “Inside Out” with? Nah. Not as a fully fledged adult, we don’t have time for that shit.

It sounds super negative when I say it out loud. Women don’t want to admit it as much as men fully own up to it. I’ll own up to it though.

I don’t need new platonic straight single male friends, UNLESS… you’re attractive, interesting and have a million things in common with me. SO… GUESS WHAT? Fuck being platonic.

This doesn’t mean I miss out on creating friendships with new men in my life, but almost 100% of the time they’re in a relationship. I’m never worried about them crossing the line. I don’t either. It’s safe. I don’t have to worry about them trying to escape the friend zone.

Lately I have to dodge the innocent suggestions of: “We should kick it sometime,” “I should get your number.” SKKKKKKRRRRRRRTTTTT. Pump the brakes. Nope. I’ve decided that I no longer want to give my number out when all I will do is ignore a homeboy’s advances. Sorry, not sorry.

No new friends. No new friends. No new friends. No. No. No.