Did you know BAE is actually an acronym? It’s NOT a shorthand version of “babe.” It means “before anything else.” It’s pretty mind blowing if you weren’t aware. Personally I think it’s so much better than babe, but I was never partial to conventional pet names in the first place.
I used to call my ex “squib.” Do you know what a squib is?
It’s a person with the HUGE MISFORTUNE of being born into the magical world (of Harry Potter) and not having any magical abilities at all. It’s fucking terrible actually. Squibs have the lowest place in magical society, they’re pathetic. Yes, I just geeked the fuck out on all of you. I love Harry Potter, you have no idea. No one should fall in love with me, I’ll just insult you with geeky bullshit.
That was a ridiculous sidetrack.
I only have a handful of single friends, we have coined our searches for significant others “BAE Watch 2015.” All we need to do is send a text: “BAE Watch tonight?” and its on. The most beneficial thing is that we’re not just looking for ourselves, we’re keeping our eyes peeled for each other. I am a great wing woman, no lie.
BAE is not a ONS (one-night stand). BAE is real. We probably won’t find these people out at a bar at 1am, but we’re having fun with each other in the process. Also, I heavily believe in the “outlier” because I think I am the definition of an outlier. I shouldn’t fucking be single, but I am.
Between TK, Melissa, Vince and I we are constantly throwing out “BAE credentials.” These get stupid and outlandish sometimes because it sounds as if we are describing mythical human beings. Unicorns. It’s entertaining regardless, so we indulge ourselves.
Basic Kate BAE cheat sheet: randomly spits out Drake lyrics at appropriate times, obviously; provides Smart Water, fresh squeezed OJ and a breakfast sandwich on mornings that I am hung over; reads his TSS feed daily; gets a VISCERAL reaction to this song; will cook me spam, eggs and rice AND NOT JUDGE ME; will NOT let me over-order at the drive-thru drunk; will sit through entire baseball games with me while I yell at the umpire; MUST BE GREAT AT SEX; must endure me talking to myself all the time; HAIRCUTS, ALL CAPS, EXTRA EMPHASIS, ALWAYS; TBC and the list goes on and on and on…
Melissa and I have agreed that BAE Watch ends for both of us when we successfully post an image with a person of the opposite sex (of significant value) on IG. Neither of us foresee that happening any time soon, but the “Watch” portion is already amusing in itself.
Pray for us.