Company

I honestly still have no clue who reads this or why.

I imagine most of you know me in person, maybe you don’t and I just came off as interesting, intriguing or entertaining so you stuck around. For all I know you could be judging me completely, or getting confused by my brutal honesty—one minute I give zero fucks, the next I am breaking down succumbing to loneliness. 

So which is it?

It’s both, but the latter is not that common for me. Swear. However I need to express it when the lows hit. I’ll write it down as its happening, as I find difficulty falling asleep, to see past the next five seconds and when my own negativity sucks me in. My life is balanced when you see my travels on Instagram and my struggles on paper. You get the highlight reel, but you also get my frustrations, temptations and fears.

Believe it or not I still consider myself somewhat of a private person. You only get what I give. There’s plenty that I don’t give.

Maybe you’re here because you’re with me 200%. You’re waiting for the day I publish that one post where the universe has granted my prayers and I’ve crossed paths with my unicorn. Perhaps you’re here anticipating the moment when I finally confess I’ve fallen in love again. FUCK—can we all fast forward to that, please? It could be that you just enjoy being my company, via some odd vicarious internet means. Trust me, I enjoy this—whoever you are (except if you’re a creep, and real talk I’m aware you could be).

It’s possible that I make you laugh when I’m not complaining about my love life or when my ego is not inflated at least a dozen levels. I like to think I’m amusing, but no one ever really confirms this. I also think everyone enjoys laughing at me and not with me, I’ve mentioned this before. Pretty sure it’s true.

Whatever the reason is, please know I see you. I see you when I barely have a chance to publish a post and there is already a “like” as I’m still attempting to proof and edit it at least 5x. I see you when I get a random anonymous submission or a direct email. I hear you when you mention this blog and I fucking cringe. Love that you read this. Hate when you refer to it out loud. Well, I don't hate it completely.

Thank you for the love and your company. <3