Good Night

I’ve been falling asleep to the memory of how he used to say good night to me.

I admitted this to myself this morning, while treating myself out to breakfast at a new restaurant. “Good night, ‘adjective-as-a-pet-name-here,’” I wrote in my moleskin notebook. I stopped myself from crying just in time, I choked on coffee but I managed. I fucking hate crying in public.

I've been having trouble falling asleep lately and this is one thing that manages to work, consistently. I guess it makes me feel less lonely, even though it's the past. I tell myself that it's not him that I miss. I miss feeling loved, that someone wanted to fall asleep alongside me and wake up with me still there—and vice versa (obviously this is a major factor).

I’ve been going to bed and waking up by myself for two years now, slightly more if we wanna be accurate. I shouldn't be keeping track as much as I do, but hey—that's me.

WELL…*heavy sigh here* This isn’t going to last forever, right?

RIGHT?

Yeah, I know. I just needed to say it out loud.