I’m reaching a threshold for the amount of friendships I can maintain. In order for me to scale back and give myself more personal time, allow me to convince you why you should avoid a friendship with me.
I'm obnoxious and distracting when I'm not busy.
Today I kept sending my coworkers links to various bakeries within a 5 block radius of our new office space. I told a handful of them that we should wake up and get to work early just because we are in short distance to a famous cronut bakery. Then I sent them 2 other bakeries we have to check out after that. I also sent around a video of 2 kangaroos boxing on a residential street in Australia and proceeded to facilitate a discussion with the multitude of questions I had: “What do you think their beef is? I mean, really… Why do you think they're boxing? Why are they in that neighborhood? How come there are no other kangaroos around?" I was fascinated and I wouldn't shut up.
I'm really terrible at keeping up with TV shows (except Mad Men and New Girl, their story lines run parallel to my life so I prioritize those two, no matter how busy I am).
I still haven’t finished "Breaking Bad." I am SUPER BEHIND on "The Walking Dead." Someone will start a conversation about a particular series and I’ll tell them to STFU because I am only on season/episode ___, they always proceed to throw insults at me at how I suck at life. In reality I would have to lock myself in my room for a decent amount of time in order to catch up on EVERYTHING that has been suggested to me. Maybe if you didn’t wanna kick it I would have time to finally start 2 dozen different TV series. Just saying. This is a catch-22 situation, guys.
Giants Postseason Baseball > You
When the Giant’s won the wildcard I said FUCKIT and purchased a ticket to the game and a bus ticket to DC and immediately cancelled my original plans for this past Saturday (all originally suggested by me). I skipped Tahitian dance on Tuesday night because I wouldn’t get home in time for first pitch if I went to class. Baseball makes me super selfish, not many things make me crazy. Baseball makes me crazy. I’m already considering schemes in case SF goes against Baltimore for the World Series. If that happens—I'm there.
I don’t have insurance to get behind the wheel of a car.
I can’t drive myself anywhere because its illegal. Whenever I’m home in the Bay I get dropped off and picked up—EVERYWHERE. I am 31 going on 13. If you wanna hang out you must accommodate me. I absolutely hate this because I am extremely self-sufficient. Then again, I do not care to drive, so… It works out for me. HAH.
I’ll probably want to do things that make you spend more money than you want to.
"Let’s take a mixology class. (I legit want to do this, if you’re interested we should still be friends.) Hey my birthday is coming up, I’m gonna do brunch here, go to HH here and then the next day we’re going to the beach." If the event is regarding myself—its dumb. I don’t know who I think I am… NY going away festivities are already being planned, I will probably have 5.
You don’t want to be my friend. I’m really awkward, super strange and I’m full of myself at the same time. It’s an odd combination. Save yourselves.
JK. I’m awesome. Let's hang out sometime.