It's not you. It's me.

I thought that purchasing a one-way ticket back to the opposite coast would placate everyone, most importantly myself.

*Buzzer sound* WRONG. So wrong.

Apparently I’m the only one who has been quieted with the confirmation of an NY end date. I’m glad my brain has finally stopped spinning out of control. I just needed to pull the trigger. At this point I’m just counting down and making the absolute most of my time left on the East Coast. I’m a master at efficiency planning and prioritizing.

California is on constant watch to make sure nothing affects that Christmas eve delivery date.

I’m already getting job and apartment listings sent to me.
My mom wants to plan a family cruise to Mexico.
My sister said she would happily kick out any of her tenants to make space in her house for me.
Everyone is ready to accommodate.
“You should move back sooner. It’s already getting cold there.”
“You should move back if the Giant’s win the World Series.”

New York will not shut the fuck up.

“How are you already booked for a one-way ticket?”
“You know, you’re going to get bored there.”
“What if you meet someone between now and then?”
“Kate, that’s so fucking soon.”
“You should just go for the winter, come back in the spring.”
“Kate, you just get seasonal affective disorder. We discussed this.”

That’s what I’m dealing with these days. Constantly. It’s like I’m breaking up with everyone. I don’t know how to respond most of the time, and I try not to bring up the subject of me leaving just so I can avoid these conversations.

Look, if I was 26 too… If I came from no-wheres-ville USA (no offense)… If I didn’t already love where I came from, I’d have plenty reasons to stay.

It turns out I have more reasons to leave, and none of them are any of you.

It’s me, and I need to go home.