I usually sleep extremely well. Under normal conditions I have no trouble falling and staying asleep (for a very long time).

Lately tho?

Its not the same. I go to bed way too late (because of my inability to fall asleep at an appropriate time) and I'm woken up in the middle of the night or extremely early in the am by a restless mind.

I'll chalk it up to this fact and I'll admit it out loud:

I'm lonely. There, I said it.

I'm tired of waking up in my bed alone. I'm tired of passing restaurants and saving them in my mental list to "try someday." I'm tired of accepting attention from unavailable men, knowing very well that they go home to someone else and take their girlfriends on dates/vacations. I'm tired of being used for instant gratification, when in reality I should be cared for—long-term. I'm tired of the fact that at the end of the day there is no one to kiss or simply text good night, be the big spoon, or just ask me how I am doing.

I'm. Just. Tired.

I try to give myself pep talks all the time… "maybe the timing isn't right," "maybe you're still meant to grow a bit more by yourself," "maybe 'he' will come around tomorrow." But I can only do so much to keep myself appeased.

I place a very high value on myself as far as being a significant other. Its disappointing when you haven't come across anyone else who wants to show any interest that way.

Wamp wamp. Fuck you, tiny violins. Go away.