There is no clear or concise formula to get yourself through heartbreak or divorce, you just figure it out as you go along. Hopefully you're one strong individual, and if you aren't in the beginning—you're definitely one in the end. I like to think I had an advantage, cause being one stubborn ass chick (read: hard-headed), I've always considered myself strong. I just didn't know how strong I was until my world got turned upside down.
There were days when my only goal was to put one foot in front of the other and get food into my stomach. Literally. Days where all I wanted to do was pop a sleeping pill and put myself into a self-induced comatose state. During the worst I felt as though I was caught in a endless storm of which I could not navigate myself out of. I went through fucking hell. Somehow I managed.
So how did I do it and within such a short amount of time? I'll give credit to an odd combination of things: my homies, Las Vegas, Trap Music and God.
My homies
My friends are my family, no question. For the entire duration that I moved out of SF up until I got to NY (roughly 5 months), I was never alone. There was always someone to eat dinner with, a couch to crash on, or people to kick it with on the weekend. I was rarely home at my parents, rarely. Everyone seems to think they have the best friends—but no, I REALLY DO. My crew is my fucking heart. I had my boys cooking up meals for me, ladies playing wing-woman and everyone behind me as my personal cheer leading squad. There was always someone a text / phone call / visit away. ALWAYS. I am eternally grateful for the support they've given me.
Las Vegas
I have always believed that "you are only as attractive as the hottest person to hit on you." After YEARS of ignoring guys I needed reassurance—and I got it. I continually play myself short when it comes to the opposite sex. I turned a blind eye to any kind of advances anyone tried to make towards me for the longest time. My heart was fucking broken, so what did I do? I went to Las Vegas, I bought tight dresses and I put myself out there for the first time in over a decade. It was a completely reaffirming experience. Hey girl hey, you're badder than you ever were.
Trap Music
I need music to survive, plain and simple. A day without headphones and/or music is torture for me. From November of last year up until around Valentines Day of this year I was listening to NOTHING BUT TRAP MUSIC. No exaggeration. Why? Cause Trap doesn't say SHIT about love. Its all beats, money, clothes, cars & hoes. It did not trigger a single soft emotion. I had no ties to any of the music, it allowed me to focus (especially at work) and was exactly what I needed.
God
I am not a super religious person. I have faith and I believe in more of my own philosophical theories than what they teach in church or the bible. I go to (Catholic) church, but only to reflect and give thanks—never to listen. It sounds a bit self-serving, but thats what I need religion to be for me. During the worst of the worst I never asked for a perfect-ending or to continue my happily-ever-after, nope. I figured if God was putting me through the worst fucking struggle I've ever endured then there must be some reason—some light at the end of the tunnel. So I trusted whatever the fuck I was going through, and I prayed for strength, continually. It worked. I came out stronger than a mother fucker. I'm still figuring out why my marriage went to shit, so now I'm praying for patience in getting the answer. Someday it will all be made clear to me, I trust in that.
Real talk… I hope the answer to all this is that one GOOD tall / handsome / funny man (who gives good D… BWHAHAHA, sorry I had to add that last part) is out there, waiting to spit the most perfect Drake line at me.