(Not FML, notice the comma.)
For the past two weeks I've been S.A.F.E. (Trinidad James reference, look it up if you need to). I have been hormonal, homesick and just plain 'ol chemically imbalanced. I hate it. Its always obvious to me when something is off because I'm usually effortlessly positive.
I can pick myself up. like. that.
Lately though? Good luck. I am Debbie Downer on another level. There are a thousand things I can complain / lament / vent about at the moment.
My no. 1 gripe right now is that I am losing my roomies / room / apartment because our building is kicking us off our floor for renovations. Have I told you I LOVE my roomies / room / apartment? I completely lucked out when I responded to that Craigslist ad back in February. I had no idea I would get attached to any of those three separate entities, let alone all three. Its been comforting to know I had an amazing (unusually large) room in New York City and I could talk to anyone as soon as I walked through the door. My favorite plus is that I had plenty of single-guy perspectives on hand each and every time I needed it.
Yesterday I had to move. The move (upstairs into a different apartment) was pretty painless. The only piece of furniture I needed to move was a mattress and I haven't accumulated much since my initial move. My new room is much smaller and hot-AF. I am not looking forward to spending a month in there (its a temporary housing solution, I have options after June). My problem was not the pain of physically moving things, my beef is the loss of comfort I've had for the past three months. I could spit five other complaints out right now, but I won't…
I feel as though my life is a constant mother fucking transition and I just want it to stop for a minute. For almost an entire year I've been trying to get a grip on my life, sure many of these changes were decisions I made myself, but I've always been terrible with situations I have no control over. I've been trying to adjust this aspect of me and roll with whatever I think is happening in my life for a reason, but then again old habits die hard.
I'm trying to embrace all these new things going on, but really... I just got used to an amazing routine. So I have to adjust again, and I don't feel as if its an improvement to the NY life I've been introduced to... Wack. I'm down as hell. I don't even want to be around people right now because I realize how negative I am coming off. I can't text people without sounding like I'm about to give up on my life. I'm walking around like the only thing I can say is "faaaaaaaaaaaaaa" and I'm sighing after every five minutes.
Bear with me… my sunny disposition will return in no time.
I hope. Hah.