Its been almost a year since my world and marriage turned upside down. While I won't go into any details, I remember the specific day vividly. Its amazing how much a year can make a difference in your life.

I've grown leaps and bounds. I've accepted what is and what isn't. I've learned that I have zero control over anything other than the decisions I make myself. I cannot steer anyone into what the correct choices are or even influence the man I loved most to be the best person he can be.

I'm currently in the middle of one hell of a journey.

There are ups and downs, sunny days and storms where it rains so fucking much I end up momentarily drowning.

Like any difficult period in life you won't really know why you had to experience rough times until its all over. I have no idea what the rationale is behind the demise of my marriage. Its so much bigger than me, I would've tried everything to save it, but it only takes one person to ruin it. I could no longer try to pick up the pieces by myself. He was no longer in it, and hey… that's fine.

There are reasons… we just don't know them yet, and I'm ok with that.

Because one fine day it will all make sense.

It will hit us like a truck, we might experience love ten-folds to what we had with each other and we will probably become so evolved as individuals that our growing pains will all be worth it.

I'm waiting on the reasons, cause I know they're out there.

I know HE's out there. Who ever he is... =P