I asked him for a divorce on Black Friday of last year, over breakfast at Black Bear Diner, whilst consuming my favorite pancakes in the world. Go figure, I would need a fatty meal to give me enough comfort and balls to tell the only man I ever loved that shit was over.
He took my request pretty well. His eyes welled up and he asked me to explain the difference between separation and divorce, he then asked me if divorced people could ever remarry. It was a funny question, but it was no surprise to me—coming from him.
I took a year to deal, to process my emotions / thoughts / shit.
We signed our official divorce papers the Monday prior to this recent Thanksgiving. I met him at the paralegal's office. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and we proceeded to sign our "dissolution of marriage" in front of a notary public, at the same damn time. FYI, people don't do that. You don't need to be at the same place, signing together. I joked with him, "let's be like Dwayne Wade and put these papers on social media." I'm lightweight immature most of the time, but I definitely use my sense of humor as a coping mechanism. He didn't really laugh. I could see he was in a weird trance from the moment we entered the office.
The paralegal wished us both luck on our individual futures and explained that we should be officially divorced by the end of the year. We walked out of the office, I stopped him to ask him if he was ok, and I gave his ass a long hug. We discussed our situation for a minute, how it was the end of an era, and the closing of the longest chapter in our lives, and then because we're weird as hell… we proceeded to get lunch at a nearby restaurant (as planned).
We didn't talk about our divorce during lunch, as weird as that sounds, we just kind of caught up. We split the bill at the end, we never do that, usually one of us throws down a card and says "I got it." I don't think either of us wanted to treat on our "divorce lunch." Makes sense.
When it was time to split up he had tears in his eyes. We wouldn't see each other for the rest of my trip home. I hugged him and told him we would both be ok. Then I let him go, cause I couldn't stand him crying in front of me, because then I would too, and I was doing so well.
I was out of it for the entire day. I was physically present in all conversations I was in… but my mind was far far away. It didn't hit me until I was alone in the car, driving down on 101 to get back to the South Bay. While Young Jeezy's "I Do" played through my iPhone, I finally cried. I cried as soon as I got in my car, I didn't stop until I passed SFO, I was in traffic, so its longer than you think. BTW, I firmly believe that "I Do" is a legit love song, Andre 3000's verse alone is pure poetry. Truth.
I texted him that I wasn't grasping what the fuck we were doing until it was all over, and there was nothing/no one to distract me any more. He responded with kind words. Its funny right? I found comfort in the man I was divorcing, and vice versa for him. We're funny like that. I can't explain.
So here I am… back in Brooklyn, eventually I will receive our papers signed by a judge, confirming our divorce—just in time for the freshest start ever, 2014.