There's the one who hit on me as I was leaving church. I shook this guy's hand during "peace be with you" and automatically thought this fool was good looking. I took forever to leave because I wanted to Instagram a photo. He fell back on purpose and struck up a conversation with me and we ended up exchanging email addresses. Unfortunately he was just visiting from D.C., but the worst part was… he used "gosh" at least three times in every email he sent me. I believe in using profanity frequently, so "gosh" doesn't swing with me. After about two or three exchanges of emails, I had to stop. Gosh, sorry.
There's the one I went out with, and thought I would see again… Until the drunk-texted the life out of me. I don't do drunk texts, receive or send—it does not matter. First of all, he full-out told me he was drunk and wanted to see me, I politely denied him and attempted to set up a date for later that week. He still insisted on seeing me and I politely refused once more. He insisted again and when I didn't respond his texts got super weird and made absolutely no sense. And that was the end of that.
There's the one I met on the 4th of July. He quoted "Versace" out of nowhere and I internally freaked out in amazement because I swear no one knew that song—yet. When I told him that I loved both Mayer Hawthorne and Hall & Oates he played videos of them for me while we chilled on his rooftop. This is the one who made my lady parts go crazy. I liked this one—but go figure, he never texted me.
There's the one who had a bottle of Laphroaig 18 (unopened) on his fridge. When I asked him if he liked scotch, he replied: "No, I got that as a gift. Do you want some? I don't even drink it." Obviously… Dude, thats an $85 bottle of scotch! This is also the one who thinks its ok to leave me hanging on supposed date times and texts me "hey" at 1 in the morning. Also, I have NO IDEA what this guy's last name is. Yeah—first name basis only.
There's the one who told me he didn't like football. I asked him why the he didn't like football and he didn't have a viable answer for me. I couldn't understand why. In my mind he will always be "the one who doesn't like football." Our first date was also our last.