If you haven’t already figured it out I tend to associate negative emotions with weakness, at least when it comes to my own reactions. I prefer to be in-control of my entire spectrum of feelings and if I do say so myself I’m pretty fucking good at keeping things in manageable ranges.

When I can’t handle whatever it is that I am feeling I search for some sort of rational (or irrational) source of blame.

Is it PMS? Is Mercury in Retrograde? Is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? Is it a comedown from an amazing weekend? Maybe it’s just because I came back from vacation and it was time to return to reality or that the weather was dreadful as fuck as I left my apartment this morning.

Sometimes I’ll allow myself to claim one or two of these “free passes” even though I have legit excuses to feel anxious, down or stressed—just so I can feel less of a weak ass in my mind. I realize that’s not the healthiest way to go about things. I should just be emotional when its time to experience emotions… but I’m me—and I want to feel in control. "Feel" instead of "be" because realistically I probably can't be in control, but its likely that I've convinced myself to feel as if I am.

I have been in my feelings all week.

On Tuesday I had to leave my desk in the middle of the day to silently cry in a bathroom stall for 5 minutes.

5 MINUTES, cause that’s all you get…

Melissa was the first person on IG to tag me to the post above. Many days I don’t need the 5 minutes, this week however—I pretty much required a majority of my waking hours. I had to reinforce that it was ok if I felt shitty—BECAUSE LIFE. We're all entitled to a few reasons.... Maybe your beloved copy writer is leaving your workplace and she was one of your few confidants. Maybe you're going through another breakup in your non-relationship. Maybe someone shared specific burial instructions at a super random time when you were already emotional. Maybe you have things like that running through your head. For the record, I'm just sharing possible examples... you know?

Sometimes you need 5 minutes, sometimes you need 50… take whatever you need.